Thursday, January 28, 2010

Heroes of Newerth - Ripoff of Dota

Lets start off with a quote:

"Heroes of Newerth is a game by S2 Games which is heavily based upon the Warcraft III scenario Defense of the Ancients"

Alright, it is not heavily based upon Dota, it is Dota. Its plain plagiarism. They didn't even attempt to change it. You have the same heroes, same map layout, same skills, same items, same creeps, same everything. With the exception of adding a few new items removing some items and removing/adding heroes. That's like photocopying a picture drawing a smiley face on it and say its a new drawing.

"Heroes of Newerth has been in development for around 3 months. The first 13 months consisted of further developing S2's K2 Engine used by previous projects for Heroes of Newerth, while the remaining time was spent replicating DotA mechanics and content as correctly as possible, re-skinning the game with new art, and developing a small amount of new content in the form of maps, items, heroes and hero tweaks."

Like Dota, it also attracts the most horrible and retarded player base. Thankfully, they added a rating system so if people rage quit early they get penalized. Dota had that problem and people could just make new accounts when they get ban listed. Here, you can't make a new account and/or avoid a drop in rating. If you leave too many games you'll automatically get banned from games that require a low leave rating. HOWEVER! HoN has a feature called concede. Like what the word means, its pretty much surrendering. If the full team concedes then the game is over. What happens usually is people die a few times rage and spam the concede button and everyone eventually clicks and then the game is over in 15 minutes. You can't concede before 15 minutes and people ensure that you concede by reminding you of how much of a failure the team is at life itself, false claims of everyone's sexual orientation, and repeated accusations of how everyone's mom may or may not have slept with many men.

There is also a huge flaw in the rating system. Even if you're great you have a team of morons who doesn't know the right end of a sword, you're going to get your ass handed to you. And no one likes to receive their own ass. This also makes people host games that require you to have a certain rating to play. You automatically assume that your allies won't be completely retarded but you find out that they're just as stupid as someone at 1300 rating because they've been carried the whole way. They also added an auto balance tool that automatically balances the game based on rating so its as close as 50/50 as possible. However, you always get loser hosts that sneakily stack his own team right before game starts so its like 80/20.

Like Dota, the same modes are there, all pick, all random, easy mode, single draft, random draft, banning draft, etc etc. Like Dota, you get morons who can't play non easy mode. In easy mode money and level is gained at an increased rate so people who like to play carry can reach late game easier. There are different types of heroes like tank heroes, support heroes, carry heroes, and the super carry heroes. Tank heroes usually run in first and initiate the fight, they usually also have lots of stuns letting them do a lot of ganking early and mid game forcing the carry heroes to stay low while your carry heroes gain lots of exp/gold. Support is support with usually lot of disables and nukes. This means they're the best assist/ganking hero. Carry heroes suck shit at early and mid game and start to shine at late game. During late game they get so powerful they can carry the entire team. These heroes usually have no stuns or nukes and rely heavily on gear and level. They are extremely vulnerable early and mid game.

What does all this mean? It means everyone would pick a carry hero suck at it and then get ganked repeatedly until they rage quit. In easy mode games this is doable, but in non easy mode you're going to have to work very hard to farm up without tankers and support. The game itself isn't bad, but the player base itself for public games pretty much ruin this game. Player base problems aside there is also the problem with balance. There are new heroes that S2Games added and or "rebalanced." These heroes are completely overpowered and can dominate anyone if played by anyone would a positive IQ. This also means every retard spams the button on those heroes the second the game starts and picks them asap.

Overall, Heroes of Newerth is nothing new, just a re-skinned Dota with blaring balance issues. It suffers from the same player base problems that Dota has and S2Games even duplicated bugs in Dota which was caused by Warcraft 3's Engine. Biggest issue I have with this game is that they didn't even attempt to change anything. Half the people still refer to the heroes, items, creeps, skills, and everything in Dota terms. They layout is the same the combat is the same even the UI is the same. Everything is the same, even the recipes. They used almost the same UI, there are some flaws that I really dislike about it but its not much different from Warcraft 3. I still prefer Wacraft 3's any day. Whats funny is they're not copying the whole game, they're copying a game, within a game. Its like you made a game off of Final Fantasy 7's chocobo racing and sell it and made money off it but called it "Giant Bird Racer." The worst part is Dota is free, they don't make money from it. These guys decided to rip it right off and make money off it. Fucking assholes.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Fallout 3 - A Haiku

Fucking boring game
Deleted in an hour
Best decision made

Friday, October 2, 2009

Eternal Poison - Gothic Fetishists Beware!

Well to start things off. Its another Atlus game, not that Atlus games are bad but it just happens that they have a lot of shitty games. This game isn't very well known and I don't even know why I bothered with it. I found it by accident and I thought that if they made Disgea it couldn't be that bad right? They can't screw up tactic games that bad right? Its like valve making a shitty fps. Oh wait. Well the game itself isn't that bad but extremely frustrating at times. Hey don't take it from me, the only guide I managed to find online to beat this shitty game happens to have an introduction from the writer. To quote her.
You know, I'd love to do one of those introductions that says "This is such a
great game, I love it, blah, blah, blah" but I can't. This game drove me
absolutely crazy. The only reason I finished was because I was writing this
FAQ for it. It's not the worst game out there, the story and characters are
good, but it's really the same thing OVER and OVER and OVER. Maybe this FAQ
will make it so the game drives all you reading it less crazy than it drove me.

Yeah sounds kinda familiar. It sounds like me! Except I'm not finishing to write a guide I'm finishing so I can bitch about it here. Well, I didn't finish but I don't plan on finishing. Its just way too repetitive and boring.

You start off the game with an introduction where this chick is running away from majins (demons) and then this wolf jumps out of nowhere and saves her. Then the screen shifts and you see some Gothic chick in black frilly clothing. Then its over. That was disappointing. Well get used to it. Well you start with some "training stage" where you play as the wolf, Raki, and Thage the Gothic witch. When you start playing you'll notice how fucking long the combat takes. I know I constantly complain how much time is wasted on loading for some games, this one takes the cake. Every time you go into combat with an enemy the screen goes black for about 10-15 seconds then you load your characters in 3d and higher graphics and if it happens to be the first time you meet this specific target on the map he/she will often sing if its a majin or talk if its a human, then the combat animation begins. You run over and wack them on the head with a book and the damage shows and then you wait another 10-15 seconds of blackout before you go back onto the tactic screen. Every single time.

That is not all. You can hit the button and cancel the combat animation but you have no indication of how much damage you did or took. But that doesn't stop the blackout you have to sit though. It may save 10-15 seconds of the combat animation but not the loading. So what do you want, to sit and wait 10-15 seconds to see the damage or hit the button save 10-15 seconds and have no idea what happened. Fortunately I found that you can set an option to turn off all this shit. THANK GOD. Because half the time you're waiting for loading during combat. The other half is useless stupid bullshit being spoken by your characters. Here is an example of the combat chatter you are forced to listen to.

Thage: Where is the eternal poison?
Majin: Die humans!
Raki: Be careful these majin are stronger than the ones we fought before
Thage: Don't worry I'll trap them all in my librum and then grind them into dust
Majin: eieieieieieieieie give me the book
Majin2: eeieieieiei you die human
Majin3: eieieie book
Retica: Why do they go crazy when they see Thage's book?
Majin: eieieiei die heretic

What the hell? Every battle has stupid boring talks like this. Most of the time its even worse. Well after the "training stage" you go into the main start up screen again and now you can start a new game, which lets you pick three out of the five possible characters. The first three that are open are Thage, which you saw already some knight named Olifen and the priestess Ashley. After you beat one, the legendary hero Rondenimium is open and after that the asshole guy. So I picked Thage just to continue where the training left me off at and they started talking in terrible voice acting. Some are decent, most are retarded. Luckily, Thage's route has some nice voice actors. Can't say the same for Olifen though but we'll get to that later. The story all takes place in Besek which is kinda like Castlevania. Its the homeland of the majin which appears randomly in the world and every time it appears its different.

Well to start off Thage's route, you (Thage) and Raki (wolf) are wandering around when you see a boy. What do you do when you see a boy? Obviously you fucking cast a spell of servitude and make him your slave. Just to show off your dominance over him you nearly break his skull and send into into a shivering pile of pain. I wanna point out that Thage is one of the cooler characters in any game. Its not often you see in a Jrpg, a female caster that's not soft spoken. In fact, her ego is bigger than the moon. She goes around acting all high and mighty and doesn't take shit from no one. If someone tries to go against her she fucking locks them into the Librium then takes them into a giant grinding pot and release them in there and listen to their screams.

So you start walking around in Besek capturing every majin you see. This leads to another thing. In combat, you will often be forced to capture majin. How do you do this? By overkilling them. This is a very annoying thing to do. Half the time when you try to overkill you fail and when you don't want to overkill you do. This is how it works. Say a majin with 100 health for simplicity has an overkill amount of 30. This means if you do over 130 damage its an overkill but if you do 100-129 its not. Say you bring it down to 20. The next hit you do 60 damage that's a 40 damage overkill. You've captured it. But it doesn't just get captured no it gets impaled onto a pink cross on the tactic map. You have to waste a characters turn by walking next to it and hitting capture. If you did say 30 damage instead of 60 damage that's only a 10 damage overkill and it disappears instead of being captured.

I have a few complaints about this overkill thing but I'll start with the most basic one. Not letting us decide if we want to overkill it or not. Say you overkilled it, and you end your turn. But another enemy's turn happens to be next what does he do? He walks over and frees the captured majin healing him to full health. What the shit is that about? If I knew his turn was next then I wouldn't have overkilled the shitty majin. But here is the problem, try as you might, but your damage is way too high that you cannot kill it without possibly overkilling. What do you do? Leave it alive until you are sure your party member can finish it off and let it deal damage to you? Also I like to point out that enemy damage in this game is ridiculously high. You don't get many healers or healing skills and if you die you're dead for the entire fight. That's pretty normal in a tactic game, but when two hits from two different majins kill you that's not normal. If you blindly charge in half your party will die. If you stay back and pick them off one by one then your melee don't get exp and end up being completely useless in the end.

Magic in this game is ridiculously powerful. Compare it to other tactic games. Whats magic like? Usually medium-high damage multi-target but a long cast time or slow moving mages. In this game though casters are fast, high damage usually single handily killing or over killing majins in one single shot. Lets take the common tactic characters.

-Slow moving heavily armored melee that hits like a truck but at the speed of a snail
-Fast moving lightly armored melee that packs a punch but takes hits like a wet paper bag
-Horribly overpowered archers that can shoot down enemies from range without ever getting hit
-Mages that suck because by the time the spells cast the enemies are already dead or nearly dead.

In this games mages are the best followed by light melee then archers than the heavy melee. Why? Because melee don't get skills/spells so they can only normal attack for around say 40-50 damage and they are also going to take many hits. Heavy ones can probably do 60-70 damage but good luck getting them over being being blasted to death by mages. Archers do pitiful 10-20 damage and they cannot shoot diagonally only in a straight line but they also get magic but that magic also does a pitiful 20-30 damage. Now mages, they do around 200-300 damage a hit and can hit up to 5 targets at once. They also have high magic defense so they don't get blasted to death by enemy mages and could also heal themselves with magical spells. Even with the massive health pool that a slow ass heavy melee has the magic will completely destroy them in a single hit because they don't have any magic defense at all making them completely useless except for maps which is heavily melee oriented. But good luck getting them to a high level for those maps.

Leveling is bullshit. To gain exp you must do one of the following, hit something, kill something, capture something, heal someone. Hitting an enemy may give you a dinky 5 exp, while healing an ally gives you 15 exp. Capturing gives you maybe 20 exp. Now killing something gives you like 200 exp. Which happens to be all your mages. So near the end of the game, I was purposely sending all my melee in to get slaughtered while my mages picked them off one by one and my archers were my healers and buffers since they were low level and couldn't do anything. Its not like you can pick and choose a bunch of mages and have many heroes to call into battle. No for every route all the heros you can get are exactly the same. All the things they say are nearly exactly the same and all the skills are nearly the same(will get into that). There are around ten heroes in the game that you can hire. You may only bring a maximum of eight heroes into combat, which includes your main story characters for example Thage's route is Thage, Raki and Reticus the slave boy, this gives you five slots to pick characters from.

Horrible combat, horrible leveling, horrible character interactions. What else could be next. A lot. Lets get back to the story. Thage's route you are on a quest of world domination with your two slaves. Every time you finish a map you go back to town to talk to people, play mini games and other useless shit. Buy your gear and get out. When you leave the town you go into the map selection screen. I like to point out that you can only keep going forward and can never backtrack or repeat a stage. This means that if some characters are too low leveled they are screwed forever because they cannot get exp. Besek is split into three stratum's. The first stratum varies from the chosen storyline hero. The first stratum changes based on the memories of the hero. Which helps introduce the character a bit. Then you reach the second stratum which is the same for every hero. The second stratum is divided into three large branching paths each leading to a gate. Each path is laid out like a column and you can jump from column to column at specific maps on the paths. Jumping usually doesn't do anything so there is no reason to do that. Once you pick it stick with it to the end. The last stratum is two columns leading into two different gates. Behind that is the ending. I thought it was pretty cool at first being able to pick and choose the path you want to take. Until I realized you cannot beat the game without the good ending. The gate on the third stratum will remain closed and you game over and start all over from the beginning.

Yes at the beginning as in you lose everything and it automatically saves you to New Game+. Now start climbing and pick another path because the one you took before is wrong! Here's the kick in the crotch. To get the good ending you must follow a very very specific path AND satisfy some very specific criteria. No point spoiling it or explaining it because its too specific and hard to understand. In other words, if you don't have a guide you'd be playing the same character over and over again just to find out what that path is. There is no clear indication telling you where to go which path to take as there are way too many maps. There are say about two-three smaller in every large column. So if there are three columns in the second stratum threes around maybe 20-26 maps in total. You probably take 5-6 maps to get to a gate. To walk in the correct order to the end is fucking impossible. That's not all. On some maps the only way to summon the "secret" boss is to satisfy some conditions. The first condition is actually calling them out. For example one boss you must capture both golems on the map. This means if you accidentally killed one instead of overkilling then the boss failed to get called out and if that boss is needed for your route then you get locked into going to the bad end. Some of them are ridiculously hard to satisfy as well. Like one you have to capture a jade sylph and a thiefler but every time you overkill the enemies will kill them when they are impaled so you can never capture them. While others you must kill every enemy and leave a specific one alive. That is hard as hell because it'll keep running towards you blasting you with magic.

Now that we got all that covered its onto the inventory! Your characters can equip up to three weapons an armor and two accessories. What is the point of equipping those weapons? Not much. You can use a slash weapon, a pierce weapon, a blunt weapon but most characters can't equip more than one so its wasted. You can equip skills that's drawn out from grinding up majin in the grinder but that's locked onto your weapon. I still don't get how it works and the game never bothered to explain it. Neither did they explain how to summon a majin and it wasn't until my second play though and searching online that I found out how to do that. Sometimes one character from one hero's route can wear some equipment and then suddenly they can't. For example there was a light fighter, Ares who in Thage's route was one of the stronger melee. Shes fast and can run twice as far as anyone and has could use a spear which has a two cell range and could hit two targets at once by piercing them. But in Olifen's route she can only use a sword which sucks. Nena from Thage's route is a massive spellcaster but in Olifen's route her magic can't do anything. Infact, everyone in Olifen's route sucks. Olifen sucks too.

Now if you equip three weapons and say you want to use a combo. The combo won't let you select what weapon to use. Say a majin is weak to strike but resistant to pierce. If you have a spear and a hammer and you used a spear on another majin earlier using the combo will force you to use the last weapon you used. Also for characters that can use say a book and a sword. The book adds int and the sword adds damage. If you use the sword you are locked into using the sword until you hit with a book. This means if you use magic the damage is severely reduced. I think. I don't even fucking know because the game never explains it to you. Even with a book the magic of a melee fighter does nothing. Is it better to equip three books? No your stats never increase more than your first book. The levels of the gear are too far apart as well. Say you buy a sword for a lv 8. The next sword is at say lv 14. The sword does decent damage at 8, start sucking at 9 and at 10 you can barely kill anything and you're stuck at lv 11 while the mages are lv 25. Great.

Magic also sucks shit. There are a few elements, Fire, Dark, Earth, Holy, Wind, and Water. The only ones that matter are Fire, Dark, and Wind. These are the three elements that actually do damage and your characters have the "mastery" to use. Mastery as in, even if you equip a spell that you have extracted from a Majin say a water magic attack may still only do 50 damage even if it was Water4 and you're using Dark1. If it doesn't fit your character its garbage. Unfortunatly the only mages you seem to get are Fire, Dark and Wind. And the skills the enemies cast are that as well. Then you get the deal with the bosses. They start off with a "Demon Aura" that you have to break. This is completely random. Some are easy like "hit it with a strike attack" even though he has no weakness to strike. Until you hit it with a strike attack it is immune to damage. Then there are the more annoying ones like "Use skill from boss that you captured many maps back. Oh wait you didn't overkill him? Well too bad its game over start new game+." Then you get annoying bosses that need "earth magic" to break. The hell? You barely even get earth magic in this game.

I like to point out that this game has a really gothic feel to it. You get people in black frilly clothes, too much mascara and guys that look like chicks and chicks that look like guys and all that shit. And everyone talks all twisted and evil or incredibly cheery. The english dub doesn't help because its just terrible. This is getting very long and there is much more to say about this game but since I haven't finished I can't really judge them yet. Maybe if I finish it one day. But that day probably won't be happening in this lifetime. Maybe in the future someone will dig up this CD from some ancient dig site from the past, find a playstation, a TV and put this in. Then the whole civilization collapses because everyone commits mass suicide. So until then, this will be the last you hear of this shit. Game sucks, if you want to play tactic games theres way more. Try Disgaea by Atlus its not that good but its decent. Lets end it with one more quote from our FAQ writer.

For some reason I don't understand, to clear the first story you need to see
both the good and bad endings, but after that a story is cleared by seeing
either the good or bad ending. This game just keeps making up rules as it goes
along...

There you go this game cheats

Friday, September 4, 2009

Persona 4 - The cure for insomnia

If you haven't read my Persona 3 post its right here:

http://theorycrafting.blogspot.com/2009/04/persona-3-destroying-world-with-apathy.html

First thing you are wondering is. If I hated persona 3 so much, why the hell would I want to play persona 4? Well, I'm asking the same question. I guess I'm just a masochist or I'm messed up and like to torture myself. I wasn't lied to this time to play this game. Where did I hear of this game? Well, I was telling someone about the horrible game that is Persona 3 when I saw Persona 4. I was laughing going what kind of horrible game has a sequel. Read the review saw a 9/10 and I was like what the hell? Well, if it makes you feel better, everyone who wrote that review is dead. They died of cancer from playing the game. Good going Persona 4.

Well it starts off just like Persona 3, in fact the whole game is exactly like Persona 3. It has the same cut-scenes, a whole new interface layout but very nicely done as usual. Probably the only good thing about Persona is the interface layout. Very artistic. Since I already have a Persona 3 post up and there is a lot of similarities I will not go into too much detail. The start is about the same you have someone sign a contract with you and you end up in the velvet room when you dream and you blah blah blah. Typical Persona stuff. One major thing you will notice at the very start of the game is that there is no lunar cycle for the calendar, instead its replaced with a forecast of the week. NOW THIS FORECAST THIS IS COMPLETELY RETARDED. Its confusing, It doesn't follow any pattern. They say when it rains, and you don't save the person in the midnight channel, they die and the game is over. Well it rains. A LOT. So what the hell? Do they die or not die? Well apparently, its only if it rains THROUGH THE NIGHT. which you have no idea of because in the afternoon/night you go out its still raining but once you go to sleep the rain suddenly stops? What?

Yeah about the story, you're this kid who came from the big city into a small town and you meet your uncle (detective) and cousin (elementary schooler) who you have to live with for an year for some unknown reason other than your uncle saying your mother insisted he take you in. There you meet a few people, Youske, which is like Junpei from persona 3. The comic relief guy. He happens to have a habit of getting hit in the balls. Ouch. Probably won't be having any kids in the future. Then you meet the two girls, Chie the tomboy who has a habit of kicking people in the balls, usually Youske, and Yukiko the quiet girl. And like Yukari in Persona 4, while everyone is wearing black school uniform these two wear red and green. So they really really stand out. No one else is wearing another color just those two. Why the inconsistencies?

Anyways right away you get thrown into a murder mystery. Wow! Isn't that great! A good story! Well, to tell you the truth. Yeah the story isn't half bad. MUCH better than Persona 3 and there aren't any emo things in the game at all. The whole game you're trying to solve a murder mystery while saving the victims and going to school at the same time. Unlike Persona 3 there isn't a tartarus or a big dungeon where there is like 300 floors to climb with 50 bosses. That's a major improvement because you won't have stupid stuff like going inside a dungeon dying and having to re-climb 20 floors and waste an hour of grinding. Instead you get small dungeon where you can leave and continue at where you left off anytime. Big improvement. The combat also is much better. Instead of you only controlling the main character, you can control your whole party now like any other jrpg.

Although combat is way better than in Persona 3 and the story is way better, the focus on the story and combat is less than in Persona 3. It seems like you have so much more free time to do whatever you want. Usually that means social links and raising your stats, (which there is 5 now instead of 3 by the way). This means you rescue someone early you will have like 20 more days until the next event. The date varies but its usually less than a month like persona 3 which is every 30 days on the spot. You will get a event and for the next few days you'll find another victim and you have to rescue them before they get murdered. While at the same time you're looking for clues to pinpoint the motive and the murderer. There are lots of fake clues and stuff and near the end if you pick the wrong choices you'll go into a bad ending.

Its a shame that they left so much free time. Like persona 3 you are just skipping days go to school come home go to sleep repeat for the week. Like come on, that's not playing the game. I know I just want to get to the end but is it so repetitive. Its like real life. Hell you know what I feel like when I play this game? I feel like if I was sitting in my Accounting class first thing in the morning. I can't keep my eyes open and I want to fall asleep so bad. THIS GAME IS THE CURE FOR INSOMNIA!

Instead of buying items this time, you get the shitty system of finding items drops from creatures and selling it to the shop to forge items with. Why the hell are all the games doing this nowadays? What happened to just going to a shop and buying an item? And who the hell sells swords, steel fans, metal claws, daggers, guns, metal chairs, steel boots to kids? And what kind of weapon is a fan? And how the hell do you make say a gun out of wooden parts you found from a table monster. Or a snake monster dropping body parts which turns into a giant katana. What the hell? Next time I'm going to a metalwork store and handing them chopped giant beetle parts and asking them to make a steel fan for me.

The characters are way better than Persona 3. Better development, no annoying voices and everything but there also seems to be a lot less focus on the characters. They did a better job but why do they have to keep everything to social links. I know a part of the game is to "date" people but half the time its annoying trying to find the right persona to have with you to gain better points and finding the right day so you can see that guy. One positive thing in Persona 4 though, is that the girls are much more aggressive. Good, I like aggressive girls. But they also don't give a crap when you date more than one girl at a time. Really? In persona 3 just talking to another girl while you're dating pisses them off to hell, but here you can be dating one girl and another girl invades on your date and chases the other one off and force you to go on a date with her instead. Damn, what a bitch. Anyways its pretty dumb and they focused on that way too much instead of the main game. The guys though, like persona 3 don't give a crap about anything.

Like persona 3, there is also some gay innuendo for your male social links. There's no guy telling you he dreams of you when he goes to sleep and when he closes his eyes its you he sees. What he hell, it reminds me of that Michelle Branch song. Anyways they seem to have changed it around. Now you get a "gay" guy (party memeber) running in a bath towel in a steamy bathhouse (dungeon) with lots of guys making gay sounds in the back and muscle men doing very gay poses with weird moaning. You know I think the Japanese has some kind of fetish of moaning muscle men. In Godhand you had to fight a pair of gay muscle men on your way into Elvis' club. These guys they seemed weak at the start but holy hell are they tough. Butt slam you and then crotch hump the air. And when you kick them in the balls they don't go apeshit like other male mobs they just continue beating you. Assholes. Back to persona 4, there is also a cross dressing contest. Yeah...

Sigh, it has the stupid school system and tests and quizzes and everything. Its exactly like persona 3. The questions are just as hard and you'll still need google to get the right answers. But just to turn up the shittiness, they decide that you will have annoying quests and cooking! Cooking isn't that hard if its something easy. Like for example Croquettes, and California rolls. You pretty much have to pick the right order on how to do things that's pretty easy. But once you get a food that's pure gibberish in Japanese you know you're fucked. Quests are annoying. Most quests involve, talking to someone who only shows up on certain days at certain places so you usually forget you have that quest unless you wander around the town EVERY SINGLE DAY talking to everyone. Then you have the collection quests where they want something but they can't find it. So they ask you who happens to be able to go into the other world and collect items from magical places. For example, a guy wants a crystal ball. Why? who knows. He will also say, "You might find one from some statue maybe in an area with an adult atmosphere?" Ok so you know where it is. It must be from the relic statues in Markuyu Stiptease. Yeah a striptease, I won't get into it so just use your imagination. So you go back and fight endless monsters until it appears and kill it hoping it'll drop. You go back give it to the guy now what. "Oh I want some blah blah blah you might find it from a table, maybe in a secret base?" WELL? HOW ABOUT FUCK YOU? Stupid quests.

One thing I also like to point out is a lot of options you can't pick because you don't have the stats to on your first play through. Like for example, you get to ask Chie and Yukiko for their numbers if you have a high enough courage if you started a second play through. But on your first you can't. WHY NOT!? Geez how much courage do you need to ask for their number. Not like it makes a difference because you can get their numbers from Youske later anyways. All you get is them being shy and then they give you. Another thing. Whats the deal with your cousin. She's like being modeled into a freaking housewife. I hate housewives. Freaking scary people.

Last but not least, you have riddle quests. These riddle quests are completely retarded. You get two groups, group a and group b. and the guy will give you 2 items in each group and give you a 5th item where you must guess which group it goes into and why.

Protractor is in group A
Alarm Clock is in group B

Basketball is in group A
Eggbeater is in group B

What group does Running shoes go into? and why?

Obviously this isn't the riddle but its similar. The answer is A and its human motion. What!?

Other than that its pretty much the same game repackaged into Persona 4. The persona are almost exactly the same. Some have different skills, some got rebalanced some changed Arcana entirely but 90% of them are exactly the same. Also they use the same creatures you find in Persona 3 in Persona 4. Exactly the same sprites but different names and colors. And some mini bosses are repeated as well. You fight the exact same boss in Persona 3 in Persona 4. The annoying table boss that does shit loads of damage. Except this time its way easier because of the better AI. Talking about difficulty, Persona 4 is MUCH easier than Persona 3. MUCH easier. Boss battles may be annoying but unlike Persona 3 there really isn't much strategy than keep your 3 turn defense/attack/hit/dodge buffs up the whole time and heal when low. Really? I know Persona 3 is hard but they made Persona 4 into a time wasting joke. But the thing is it may be easy but the fight isn't any shorter. It takes like half an hour each time you fight a boss. Annoying as all hell.

Don't get me started on the last boss. Its a joke in Persona 4. It doesn't do anything but spam the same moves over and over and over. Unlike Persona 3, it only took about an hour-ish to finally kill it. And it has 2 forms? Persona 3 you had to fight through like 13 forms before you reach the real one and each form has different skills and weakness/immunity and strategies. Took hours to kill that guy. I know it wasn't worth it but do they have to drag it on forever? Also they went WAY overboard with instant death in Persona 4. There is one dungeon where every mob spams instant death you enter combat you see 6 mobs each of them spams instant death. It works 100% of the time as well and once your main character dies its game over. So I kept dying and dying the second I get into combat. Also you can't just escape from combat. When you click escape, they go "ok let me find you an exit," and by the time you can escape, you are dead or your enemies are dead already so what is the point? So I ran past every single creature and went directly for the boss. I was 10 levels under the recommended level and I still beat him after many many tries. God. That place makes me sick. Heaven my ass, more like hell. Yeah the dungeon was Heaven.

Anyways, to summarize everything. This game sucks. Its like persona 3. It did better than persona 3 but that's not saying much. Anything can be better than persona 3. This is the type of game you should be ashamed of playing. Like you secretly play it alone without letting people know and people ask if you heard of persona you go "huh whats persona?" Yeah one of those games. Rhapsody: A musical adventure was one of those but unlike that, this game isn't cute, it isn't funny, it isn't fun at all! Once you play it you're infected with cancer as well! The end and I hope the cancer kills me fast.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Dark Messiah - Conveniently placed spiked walls and ledges

When you see a swarm of enemies come towards you what is your first reaction? Blast them with magic? Shoot them with your bow? Stab them in the face with your sword or daggers? NO! You kick them. The kick isn't like the wimpy stomp in Dead Space. When you kick someone they fly back 20 feet as if they got rammed by a truck usually into a conveniently placed spiked wall or ledge. What the hell? Yes, exactly. Dark Messiah is an action game by Ubisoft. You follow the adventures of Sareth, the orphan apprentice to the mage Phenrig to uncover your past and fulfill the prophecy of the dark messiah.

Here is a trailer - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZegsGlGvtAU

Doesn't sound too bad. We'll get there. First of all. Why the hell would there be so many spiked walls? Do people actually put spiked walls in their garden, their study, the streets of a city, the sides of a boat, even the sides of a mountain. Who would build spiked walls everywhere. If it was me I'd probably hold back on building all those just in case some crazed guy walks over and kicks you towards it instantly impaling you to death. And you don't need to send them flying with a kick to impale them, its as if they have some sort of magnetic pull against flesh and bone that you just get near and BAM your head is on the spikes.

The whole game involves doing some crazy platforming jumps, solving riddles, and murdering hordes of enemies. These jumps are frustrating. Its not hard to do a jump yeah, you can do it, but what you don't realize is some kind of trap that sends you over the ledge. A enemy you didn't see that kills you in two hits because you picked an assassin. Yeah that's another thing. If you don't want to suffer while playing this game, don't pick an assassin. Its fun when you're able to stealth and do some back stab instant kills and silent kills with arrows. The thing is 80% of the time you are unable to stealth. Most of the time I'm just running in and strafing around hitting my mouse key as fast as I can to cut stuff up.

Another part of the platforming jumps is that you have to use something called the "Rope Bow." Its a bow where you shoot an arrow with a rope attached. A rope will drop from the arrow towards the ground until it hits something then swings back and forth for a few seconds. DO NO JUMP ONTO THE ROPE WHILE IT SWINGS. I've got my character stuck in so many things because I was impatient. And how the hell does a full grown man hang on a rope attached to an arrow attached to a piece of wood? And how does the Rope Bow have unlimited ammunition? You can get endless ammunition for your normal bow if you find the secret item the unlimited quiver but that is besides the point. I guess they don't want you stuck because you're shooting it everywhere like a dumb ass because there is no clear indication on where you have to go.

YOU ARE GOING TO DIE A LOT. And whenever you load your last save, your character does an attack and most likely it'll hit something alerting all the guards and kicking your ass because you can't sneak up on them to do a back stab. Not only this, auto saving while fighting a enemy will cause your weapons to lock up. In other words, your weapons turn invisible and you cannot open your item menu or use your hot keys or even switch weapons. Even doing a load back to your last save will continue to have this bug since that was where the bug occurred. So the only way is to load back another save earlier.

Some creatures to kill are inconsistent as well. Kicking a human down like 5 feet will cause them to die, but some creatures don't. For example spiders. You'll be seeing these A LOT. Now you don't fuck with giant spiders. These things will kick your ass. They have a poisonous bite that will drain your health unless you use an antidote. Its not like oh 1 heath per few seconds. No, it drains like 10% of your health per second. Second they come in swarms. And when you try to kick them off a huge ass cliff they just land on their backs and start climbing the cliff back. I kicked them off over and over and they kept climbing up. Eventually they got pissed or something and started crawling through the ground. I was getting bit I looked around saw nothing moved back and a spider was crawling out of the bricks. One thing I learned about spiders. Don't kick them off cliffs or they get angry. And you won't like it when they get angry.

Here is an example of the kicks - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tg8h0VAhnYw

As hard as it is to do the crazy jumps and fight impossible creatures. The bosses are incredibly easy. Most bosses can be exploited or they have some kind of event where they just die instantly if you do so and so. For example, you're wandering around the temple and a Pao Kai (dragon) flies down and starts breathing lightning on you. You run to a tunnel and he sticks his head in. You hit the lever and the gate falls down and kills him. Its not like its hard either. Leanna (the bitch) even tells you to run over there and hit the switch while she stands in the center in clear line of sight of the dragon and watches the dragon chase you. What the hell? Even the last boss, you are able to back stab him while he's busy looking away instantly killing him. At first I didn't even realize he was the last boss until the events started to happen.

Last boss, that leads me to something else. The story is terrible. The only saving grace is Xana who accompanies you since the beginning adding jealous comments against Leanna or evil whisperings to congratulate you on what you have done or telling you what you should do. The storyline automatically points you towards the good ending, and you have to constantly do the opposite just to get the bad ending. Sareth automatically chose to not listen to Xana and listen to Leanna. Xana was annoying at the start but gets a bit likable. The ending is terrible. Its about 20 seconds of cut scenes and its over. Pretty much showing you either, banishing the evil demon lord or saving the evil demon lord. With no explanation of what is going on or whats going to happen or whatever.

You can also be an asshole and start abusing things with your bow. If you can't beat them, shoot a rope arrow climb up and start shooting at them out of melee range. This is what usually happens....
"Show some skill before I kill you" - bad guy
*bad guy starts charging the wall*
*fires arrow*
"Show some skill before I kill you" - bad guy
*bad guy starts charging the wall*
*fires arrow*
"Show some skill before I kill you" - bad guy
*bad guy starts charging the wall*
*fires arrow*
"Show some skill before I kill you" - bad guy
*bad guy starts charging the wall*
*fires arrow*
"Help me!" - bad guy
*bad guy starts running away*
*fires arrow*
*bad guy dies*

This works on bosses as well. I just stand there lobbing arrows with my endless quiver until they die. Not because I wanted to be cheap but because I can't do any damage to them. I chose not to learn magic or to wear heavy armor with a huge sword. I wanted to be an assassin, and this is what I got. As long as they are dead, the job is done right? Who cares about honor or cheapness. I guess they did do a good job on designing the assassin after all. Worked out pretty well.

To sum it all up, this game is short, but frustrating as hell. Its shitty but hilarious at the same time. If you like say, oblivion then you wouldn't like this game. It reminded me of oblivion when I started but holy hell the stages just keep going on and on and on and on. It takes forever and how many freaking jumps are there? Well If I said it was completely horrible I'd be lying. It was still decently fun. Still "fun" enough to finish the game I suppose. Its not like Persona 3 where I was only finishing the game to get the ending and to see how much torture I can give myself.

By the way here's Xana for you - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DYm8j3cAxk

In German so you don't get spoiled. No there's no hot succubus sex you fucking pervert.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Monkey Island - Take a Caribbean cruise away from the shitty games

Lets take a break from the shit. Think back to when it was 1990 and a brand new lucasarts game came out. That game was called Monkey Island. Its an adventure game where you follow Guybrush Threepwood on his quest to become a mighty pirate. Really nothing more I can elaborate on. Whats special is its humor and witty comments and choices. Many of them also break the fourth wall. If you really want to know you can check up on youtube.

Why am I writing this? Well it is because Telltale games and Lucasarts are making a sequel called "Tales of Monkey Island." It will be released in parts each month. The first part is out but I've yet to check it out. I'll wait until all of them are out before I'll play them. But from what people are saying, it looks promising and the gameplay trailer looks decent enough.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jP5uDNhOiPg

I like how it uses a mouse again. The first three used a mouse, until the fourth of the series which suddenly changed to keyboard/controller. It made things difficult as hell but the game itself was still fun to play. How will Telltale games do on Monkey Island? Better be damn good.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

I Fucking Knew It.

http://forums.commandandconquer.com/jforum/posts/list/19892.page

http://forums.commandandconquer.com/jforum/posts/list/19952.page

So, EA admitted that they stole their innovative RTS ideas from other games. I kind of already went over all that bullshit a few posts back here though, so I'm really not surprised in any way. The EA boards probably has more skeptics than fanboys, but the naive defiance of the latter generally makes the atmosphere too stifling to follow.

First you have fanboys who fiercely defend the franchise for being innovative, but then change gears when evidence says otherwise. Now they're justifying the borrowing of gameplay ideas, claiming that many games borrow inspiration from the others before them, but they heavily gloss over the fact that the 'borrowed' ideas aside, CNC4 has nothing innovative of its own. As the PC gamer podcast (second link) says, EA's 'first ever RTS with mobile bases' appeal is ridiculous, as they must have never played another RTS in their life. It makes sense though, EA has always been a company lagging behind their competitive developers, with blinders over their eyes and plugs in their ears.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

EA - Shitty marketing

I'm sure you heard about BioWare. They are the ones who made Mass Effect, Jade Empire, Neverwinter Nights, Bauldur's Gate, KOTOR and more. I never played all of them but I've played some and they were some pretty decent games. You'd probably rememeber back in 2007 when EA bought out BioWare. Yeah... But what's the big deal. Well Dragon Age: Origins is coming out soon, and they kept going on about how it is a "spiritual sucessor" to bauldur's gate. What's that you ask? Well its apparently BioWare's most famous game, I've yet to play it longer than 20 mins though. Well that doesn't sound too bad.

It sorta reminds me of The Witcher, where you play in a fantasy world where you have to keep picking the lesser of two evils as you continue the game. It showed some pretty good stuff decent story/choices etc etc. Then suddenly a change of marketing. ITS ALL ABOUT BLOOD AND TITS. What the shit? I haven't been following the whole thing. Back when I first heard about it then fast forward to a couple of months ago, then a couple of weeks ago. My god has the whole thing shifted.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=659507958654&ref=mf

Thats the E3 demo where it was showed at. Holy shit the voices are bad and the script horrible.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcyR9adOuMI

The hell? What are they trying now? God of War? Because that game was an awesome action game and this doesn't look like much of an RPG. In their interviews they keep saying how the game is "dark mature fantasy." Literally repeat it like 6 times a sentence. Funny thing is they keep calling it a "spiritual sucessor" to bauldur's gate. What does it really mean exactly. Well, it means its a game that has nothing to do with bauldurs gate but we'll add spiritual sucessor to it so we can milk as much money out of the bauldur's gate fans. I can imagine it now.

"Hey we need a new game" - developer 1
"Well, we're already working on Mass Effect 2, maybe we'll develop a new game something oriental" - developer 2
"We have Jade Empire ass dick" - developer 1
"How about a medival fantasy game?" - developer 3
"Nice idea but what can we do?" - developer 2
"Well lets have some non inspired evil demons who want nothing other than to destroy the world" - developer 3
"How would that accomplish anything? What is the point of destroying the world? What would they gain?" - developer 2
"..." - developer 3
"Fuck it lets just add bloods and tits then call it the spiritual sucessor to bauldurs gate and everyone will buy it" - developer 1
"Fucking genius" - developer 2

That is how DA:O was made.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

CNC4 Subtitles

Lmao. In my previous post, I mentioned how terrible EA was at creating their subtitles for the CNC series, continually relying on some of the most trite and overused phrases in the entertainment industry, but there has been some new development. EA has been made aware to their inadequacies in the naming department... And is now asking fans to name the game for them through submissions. >_>

Wow. Well. Considering how terrible EA is at making games, maybe next time they'll ask fans to make the game for them too. This can only be a good thing.

Edit:
CNC4's subtitle is now Tiberian Twilight, as per fan requests, reverting back to the original naming scheme established by Westwood (in line with Tiberian Dawn, Tiberian Sun). It's a little odd now since CNC3 is named Tiberium Wars, a discontinuation of the trend... But what's done is done. Tiberian Twilight would have been alright as a subtitle, but I'm not that excited this time around, as:
1. CNC4 will play nothing like the previous CNCs, and thus, does not deserve the name Tiberian Twilight
2. This subtitle was originally intended as the name for CNC3 (when it was still being made by Westwood) so really, now they're just resurrecting an old title.
3. The title shows no EA ingenuity at all... Although this time it's not really EA's fault, as they left in the hands of the fans. Sorry to say, but the fans suck at making subtitles too, just not as much; they just copied Westwood's dead title.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Context Sensitive. Not what you think it means.

I get increasingly frustrated nowadays with developers who are trying to do too much with their simplistic control scheme. While they tote keeping things simple and easy to remember as being a selling point, there comes a time when more complex controls give better precision to a player's gaming experience.

When pressing E in a combo does a super move, thats fine... But E also does 50 other damn things, and will basically screw you out of a combo chance if there happens to be a gun or some shit on the ground that you pick up instead.

Let's take Prototype for an example. Very much a console game ported to PC. Here's where E can be used.

E picks up weapons when you are not moving.
E throws away weapons when you are not moving.
E grabs other people.
E grabs other people while moving.
Holding your primary attack key and pressing E will trigger a small AOE attack.
Holding your primary attack key and pressing E will trigger a long range cone super move if you have enough HP.
Holding your primary attack key and pressing E while in the air will cannonball you towards your target.
Holding your primary attack key and pressing E will trigger a long range cone super move if you have enough HP if you are in the air.
Holding your secondary attack key and pressing E will trigger a different small AOE attack.
Holding your secondary attack key and pressing E will trigger a huge AOE super attack if you have enough HP.
Holding your secondary attack key and pressing E will trigger an air AOE attack if you are in the air.
Holding your secondary attack key and pressing E will trigger an air super AOE attack if you are in the air and have enough HP.
Pressing E when you have your whipfist out will hookshot you to your target.
Pressing E when you have your whipfist out will hookshot you to your target while you are in the air.
Pressing E while holding a person will slam them into the ground.
Pressing F and then E will do a stealth consume.
Standing close to a tank or helicopter and pressing E will allow you to enter the vehicle.
Standing or moving close to a vehicle or any object and pressing E will pick up the vehicle provided you have enough strength to do so, and that the vehicle is non enterable. You cannot pick up objects when you already have something picked up, like a weapon.

So fuck that, E isn't even an attack key, and it is already used everywhere as if it was a key you press in a combination string in a Street Fighter game. If I was to compile a list of all the different moves that requires you to press primary attack or secondary attack, it would be basically every move in the game. Press left mouse button, then right, then left again to do one combo. Or left left right. Or left and right at once. Or hold right then left. Or hold right, hold left, release right, tap left. FUCK THAT.

Considering how the game plays, where you're running frantically, and facing not only a horde of infected beings in downtown New York, but also the relentless attacks of military soldiers, tanks, and attack choppers... You don't have time to be precise with controls. Considering how your character does different things when you're in the air than when you're on the ground, sometimes you're really just spending all your concentration on staying rooted to the floor while keeping your health high enough to do a super attack. The second you start running, you'll start auto-hopping over obstacles or running up walls or blasted into the air with an explosive that you'll no longer be on the ground. It gets worse that your character will do different things with the same commands depending on what weapon he has out. Considering that a lot of these moves above require you to hold or click primary or secondary fire at the start, that usually puts you into the animation for a completely different move, and you won't be able to execute the final move you wanted to do.

Consider this:
Holding your secondary attack key and pressing E will trigger a huge AOE super attack if you have enough HP.
I want to hit a boss with this attack in the small window that it is vulnerable.

I hold the right mouse button, but that already puts me into a charge kick attack that I cannot cancel. Pressing E now does fucking nothing. So how do you access this super AOE attack? First, find a target you don't care about that is outside the range of the boss. Hold down right mouse button and you will do a flying kick and kill said target. Then, without ever releasing your mouse button (preventing you from doing any further attacking or defending) you must wait until the window of opportunity shows up, all the while dodging any attacks. Run forward to the boss, and hold down E. If you are EVER knocked down while doing any of this, you must start all over, as your right mouse button is no longer considered to be held down after a knockdown. Unless your window is large enough such that you can do a flying kick animation and still have time left over to pull off the stationary AOE attack without being knocked down... Then this is the tedious method you must repeat.

I don't mean to harp on a single game, as this isn't a Prototype article, but it just so happens to be the most recent example on my mind. Many games on Gamecube have frustrated me to no end by trying to map as many different keys as possible to the same buttons or even the same sort of action. Mario Power Tennis is a prime example, mapping 5-7 different kinds of actions to the same two buttons. Depending on the sequence in which the two are pushed, the number of times they are pressed, the duration for which the button is held down, and the current alignment of the stars, these buttons will execute completely different actions. The Wii version is even worse, mapping all of those swings to movements of the remote. Considering that the Wii is a console based off of a barely functioning gimmick, trying to make the remote understand the difference between your topspin and flatspin is nigh impossible. The Wii has the same interface problem with many of the games in its library where the game tries to map too many different controls to the remote motions. In fact, it is easier to say that the rule is the only good games on the Wii are those that map only a single action to the remote movement, like Twilight Princess.

There are some controller devices that are just weird. But often, they are weird because they try to make a new type of controller that does something different... from pistol-mice, to glove controllers, to Novint Falcons, etc. That's not at all what I'm talking about though. I'm talking about having plenty of buttons to map your actions to... Yet persisting in mapping these controls to only a select few of the buttons available, resulting in an unusable control scheme that fails to translate the gamers' intent to the actions of the character. That's not the fault of the controller, it's the fault of the developers who have tried to put too much in too little. It's like capturing an amazing panoramic picture but cropping it down to a tiny photo frame. That's what these games are doing: taking a potentially great game, but crippling it with terrible controls so that your experience is just confined by frustration and exasperation.