First of all, I played the PC version which was vastly inferior to the console version. Not only it is it over an year late but even Peter Molyneux said, "We don't care about the PC version, any money we earn is extra money but we don't expect to earn anything because of pirates." I'm not making this up. Its not exactly his words but he basically said the same thing. The PC version is filled with slow downs and horrible controls. Everything shitty about a console port to PC is in here. I first became aware of this game when Cent wanted to play coop on it. When we realized PC version was delayed for over an year. Was it worth it? No. It was horrible. The reviews were horrible. Peter Molyneux even stated he was disappointed at the reviews of this game. He made a horrible horrible game and he should be ashamed of himself.
The Fable series are always known for its casualness. Hardcore RPG fans probably wouldn't like the game. Even though they wanted a "mature game" it was filled with juvenile humor like farting in people's faces. The storyline in fable is terrible as well. Its always the same. You are a nobody that rises to become a hero then the real bad guy appears 10 minutes before the end of the game then you kill him and the game is over. Then you can do whatever you want afterwards. Yes the boss appears literally appears out of nowhere with no back story and is only evil for the sake of being evil. Yet in Fable 3 theres a guy called Reaver who went around shooting people killing people and having a game room where he kills people as party entertainment. Yet he's not killed or thrown in jail or anything. He's going around building shit for you. If they didn't fuck him up the first half of the game he would be more likable in the second half when he's helping you raise money. He's an entrepreneur, he doesn't care about the little people. Thats what you need when you are a ruler. You can't please everyone. When you need to raise 6.5 million before the end of the game or everyone dies. Then you need to make sacrifices. But that doesn't excuse the first half when you're fucking rioting because of his labor laws.
Morality also makes no sense in this game. Everyone is expected to be good. You are overthrowing a tyrant then saving the world from the evil that appears 10 minutes before the end of the game. I went down the path of evil. I'm going around blasting the shit out of everything I see with flaming blizzards. Guards come and I blast their face in. Then I break down their doors and try to steal their shit only to realize. YOU CAN'T! The only way you can steal shit is:
1) If the owner is still alive.
Unlikely if you go around murdering the whole town
2) If there is no guards around
Guards are automatically alerted and endlessly respawn when you break the law
3) At night after you break down the doors
Breaking down doors will automatically summon guards to your location to arrest you
4) The ruler of albion
You are 10 minutes from finishing the game, anything you steal has no effect on the game anymore
So stealing is basically out of the question until the end of the game. Or if you're lucky and fast enough, able to run in and grab an item before the guards reach you. Afterwards its impossible to go back to that town without guards swarming you. It is the worst theft system I have ever seen.
Now for the worst part of the game. WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO TAKE AWAY FEATURES FROM THE GAME. Oh wait, I know it was that fucking loser Peter Molyneux. According to him, he removed everything that people "didn't use enough of." He doesn't want to design a game for 10% of the population. So he thought it was a good idea to remove health bars, remove experience, remove item descriptions so you'll never know what your spells or weapons do and a whole fuckload more stuff. Stripping a game to its bare bones is not innovative. Why hide the fucking things from the players? Is this sword better than this mace? I don't know. Theres no damage indicator when you hit an enemy so you can never tell. Does this upgrade for +7 damage on a sword better than this sword with +25% damage? I don't know. Why hide this from the players? Are people so fucking ADHD that they can't read two numbers? Or is the game deliberately being a jackass to fucking piss people off. Why no health bars? Because people don't watch their health? Potion buttons automatically pop up when you are low on health so you can drink them. Otherwise theres nothing on your screen. You have no idea how much damage you're doing, if you're hurting them at all. Just spam spam spam spam eventually they drop and die. Great game huh? THEN BAM GAME FREEZES. YOU HAVE TO GO IN THE PORTAL TO LEVEL UP!? Wait I thought theres no exp! Yes there isn't. Everytime you complete something part of the main storyline the whole world freezes and you have to walk into this portal into the "road to rule." This is basically the level up screen but instead of adding the skills in normally you have to walk over talk to the chest pick the chest of the upgrade you want then leave the road. You can go back to the road at anytime but newer gates are closed until you finish something in the storyline.
Worst part of the game? Theres no fucking menu button. When you click esc you get ported into your "sanctuary" where you can walk around into different rooms. Walk into the weapon room to see all your weapons on the wall and you walk up to each one individually to look at it and pick it up and equip it. Of course theres no descriptions so you won't know what they do or how much it hurts. Theres also a dressing room to change your clothes/armor. A treasury room to see how much money you have in a huge fucking gold pile along with trophies for completing side quests. The last room is the room you go to to connect with other people. Of course if you want to save or quit you have to first hit esc. Walk to the wall and talk to it then pick the option to save your game then walk to the statue which is your save then talk to the statue it will ask if you want to overwrite the game you click yes and it will save. Then you quit by doing the same thing press esc talk to the wall pick quit to windows then it quits. WHY MAKE THIS SO DIFFICULT. HOW DO YOU FUCKING FAIL AT MAKING A FUCKING MENU? Do we want to fucking walk around to click shit in 3d? Why can't we have a list like normal. Waste more time and effort to do the simplest of things. And just to fucking piss you off even more every time you want to do something you need to hold down the button for a few seconds then release it before it works. Why? Is it because people are so stupid they misclick opening a door? You're standing next to it why do we need to hold down the E button for 3 seconds to open the door? If you release it too fast before the circle fully forms around the Hold button then you have to start over. You have to wait until the Hold button's circle fully forms and become the Release button.
Theres no minimap theres no quest interface theres no nothing. Theres a glowing trail leading you from point A to point B. There no reason to go off the path. It will always lead you to your next quest. Just follow it until the game is over. But don't worry, the game isn't that long you can finish it in a few hours. Thank God.
The only way to make any real money in this game is buying houses and renting them out. I wanted a game not a fucking landlord simulator. If you don't make enough money by the end of the game everyone dies. I'm too fucking lazy to do that so I let everyone in my kingdom die. Does that affect the game in any way? No. Not really. Is the ending even satisfying? No. Not really. Did we even get to fight the boss? No. Not really. The storyline at least made sense right? No. Not really. What does the second half of the game do anyways? Nothing really. The first half you are overthrowing your brother the tyrant king. Then becoming the ruler. Then all of a sudden your brother reveals that an evil is coming! DUN DUN DUN. He was doing all this because the evil is coming. The end justifies the means. If he pleases everyone then the kingdom is doomed. Then you execute him because you're evil like that. Then you fuck up the kingdom by giving people a temporary happiness. The evil wipes out all 6.5 million people in the kingdom and the end! You win the battle but lost the war! The boss never really appears he's some weird shit that talks like an asshole. He sends like a few shadows at you then takes command of your friend then you kill him and they both die. The end. Game over.
Fuck you Peter Molyneux. Thats all I have to say. Plus I swear he's insane or something. Check out the interview here.
No comments:
Post a Comment