Divinity 2 - Charging at the speed of light

Divinity 2 is a game that uses the gamebryo engine, which the same games oblivion and fallout 3 is on. Its another obscure German game. German RPGs are usually known for their "hardcore" RPG games and their extreme difficulty curve. This is one of them. I didn't really care about this game but hearing people talk about it and hearing that an expansion is coming out for it I decided to check it out. Reviews were mixed, word of mouth was mixed. This was a game that some enjoyed immensely and others hated. Divinity 1 was a Diablo 2 clone and was considered a good game by many. Then I read on IGN giving it a 4.8/10 saying "I can't recommend this game to anyone." Now you know you're in deep shit. If Fallout New Vegas was as bad as people say and it scored a 8.5 going "A few technical problems aren't enough to sully this enjoyable and sophisticated adventure through the western wastes" then what the fuck did Divinity 2 do!? Well it sucked that's what.

You start off the game as a dragon slayer initiate and first thing you notice is the terrible lag. After fumbling around in the options for a bit you lower the resolution and lower quality to low you notice that everything looks like huge ugly blocks that are uglier than a 10 year old game. If this game makes Diablo 2 graphics look good then something is fucked up. Either way it still lags so giving up I just went and played on. I am using a welfare computer from many years ago but I can run most of the recent games without having to lower the default visual quality. The controls are terrible the jump is awkward and doesn't feel smooth at all. I can't explain it but it feels very wonky. You also need to jump a lot in this game to solve "puzzles" which makes it even more unbearable. You go around talking to people and do your "test to become a full fledged dragon slayer" by erasing your memories and training. What the fuck? Then you can focus on what class you want to start as. You can pick skills from any class you want but they give you three out of four to choose from. You can be the warrior the archer or the mage. Then there's the priest which is a summoner.

So I picked a warrior since I was lazy to run around waiting for mana and stuff. So you go around wacking stuff with clubs or slashing with swords. The typical hack and slash RPG stuff. One thing that was funny was a skill called Charge Attack. Instead of walking around like a snail you click charge and fly halfway across the map at the speed of light. The first time I clicked it I was laughing my ass off. Its so ridiculous that its funny. You can fly over rocks obstacles rivers everything. Its pretty much the warrior charge in World of Warcraft on steroids and crack. All other skills are pretty lame. You get a skill like whirlwind where you spin and do 1 + weapon damage on a 5 second cooldown. Lame. Skills that doesn't scale will be useless at late game. Skills that do scale will be useless early game. Skills like whirlwind are useless forever because it sucks even when fully upgraded. You can pick up caster skills like fireball and magic missle and stuff. But as a warrior you won't have much mana until you learn the mana leech talent. Yes this is like Diablo 2 shit. One point in mana leech would give you endless mana. You have a 80% on dealing a physical melee attack/skill to leech 4% of your damage as mana. Even so the game is hard as shit. Not literally.

This game has an insane difficulty curve that I'm not used to. The quest giver tells you that the dragon memories are going to kill you and you have to "quickly" head to the graveyard and kill some undead for some odd reason that its going to save you. So you go there and realize you're getting the shit beaten out of you from the first skeleton you see. Then you meet a boss of some sort like five steps in that one shots you. So you go what the fuck? Again. Here's what you do. Don't give a shit about what the quest giver says. Fuck your commander. You go outside of the town and start killing boars and goblins. Get some exp. Note that you have the ability to read minds but this also costs like 33-300exp per person depending on how strong their mind is. Yes costs exp to read their mind for useless shit like "oh i think so and so is a bitch" or stuff like "my dick hurts from fucking that whore in the stable." Sometimes you get some extra info but that doesn't do much. Anyways all this exp is taxed. As in you kill a boar for 18exp and it will deduct it from your tax until it is gone then you can start actually gaining levels. Monsters don't ever respawn in this game so you're fucked if you don't hunt down every single boar in existence.

So I'm going around wacking boars and goblins and eating the occasional food and drinking the potions when I walk accidentally into a goblin chief that looks like every other goblin. Not knowing that it was the chief I flew towards it at the speed of light and got two shotted in the process. So now I lost all the time I wasted on killing boars and goblins. I have no idea how to brew potions, it never tells you. I wanted to get more potions so I went on gamefaqs and found that it was down. So I went and downloaded a trainer then turned on invincibility then went around seeking revenge on everything that shit on me earlier. Going around like a god I met a wounded dragon knight, human servants of the dragons that you were trained to kill. Anyways she shows you some kind of weird vision then you got turned into a dragon knight and she appears in your conscious kinda like Xana from Dark Messiah except shes not cool like Xana. And you don't have conversations with her. She will comment on stuff throughout the game. Then you meet your old commander who sees the "taint" in you and decides that you should die so instead of killing you herself she leaves three untrained losers to fight you and you kill them all and take their gear. Then the main bad guy comes and kicks you down and steps on your face and goes "I'm letting you go this time blah blah blah" then laughs and disappears into the distance. Then you go around killing more dragons and dragon slayers and necromancers and spirits and other shit and the main bad guy comes back and goes "You are being annoying I should have killed you earlier." So he walks away and sends a few bad guys at you that you kill easily. What the fuck is wrong with the villains? Can they act more retarded and cliche?

Anyways I turned off the game and uninstalled it at that point because it just became a pointless walk around in circles listening to stupid idiotic conversations with skills that doesn't make sense like single weapon mastery where you get bonus damage if you are ONLY holding one weapon. If you are only holding one weapon why not use a two handed weapon for longer range, bigger splash, and more damage? Or dual wielding for even more single target damage? Or a weapon and shield combo for MASSIVE damage bonus and a shield? Single weapon master adds like what 30% more damage while a sword and shield adds 86%. Why? How does that work? If you think you can play this game be my guest.

"Instead of rewarding player skill in terms of the abilities you've selected, combat is often more about exploiting AI glitches and slamming potions as rapidly as possible to stay alive until you're at a decent enough level to steamroll everything in your way."

"Even worse, at one point a door disappeared from the environment so I couldn’t actually exit and had to reload a previous save (which didn’t solve the issue), and in multiple instances save files I overwrote multiple times didn’t load correctly"

I'll end it with those two quotes. This is what to expect when you play this shit.

Blade Kitten - I told you so

Well most games I play people tell me is good so I get my hopes up and play it and it turns out shitty. Well this game is pretty shitty and people say its shitty and I played it expecting to be shitty and it turned out shitty. Should I feel disappointed that it was shitty or should I have expected it to be this shitty. Well, its shitty so there's no point in arguing if it was as shitty as I thought it would be. What is Blade Kitten? The name itself would tell you it has something to do with cats and probably a blade, so we can come to the conclusion that it might be something like a cat cutting simulator or some cat getting revenge on people tossing cats into bins and shit and going around beheading people. If you thought those then you'd be mighty disappointed. Its a game based on a web comic. What the fuck? I didn't know that when I started.

I don't read web comics, I don't read Blade Kitten, but from what the game tells me you're playing as Kit Ballard some pink cat girl who goes around chopping people with a blade. The game doesn't tell you much. Characters come and go with lame jokes and lame dialogue. Its kinda like a web comic I suppose. I saw the game as a 2.5D side scrolling platformer game and I immediately wanted to play it since I was craving side scrolling platformers. The blade flies around near you and you can use it as a boomerang which costs stamina or just swing your sword around for a melee attack which doesn't cost any. So your typical enemies are dumb red soldiers called the Sollers who shoots laser or run at you with swords swinging. You get occasional dinosaurs and robots and stuff but the majority are the Sollers. They don't get upgrades or anything so the game is incredibly easy. There's a shop where you can buy stuff from money you found throughout the stages. What I find weird is there are four different blades. The one you start with and three others that you can buy. So on the second stage you just buy the best blade and you go around one shotting everything through the game. I don't see a reason to buy any other blade but I bought it anyways since they're cheap.

Think of the game as a tree branch. There's only one finger that reaches the end of the branch and a million that doesn't. This is what the game is like. You have a straight linear path and a billion dead ends with secrets that you get treasure boxes from. Whats treasure boxes for? Well you get money, and you also get completion %. If you collect every single treasure box and other shit like that you get to unlock a special costume. Yeah you can also buy costumes like the flying cat suit, pajamas, dresses, goth dresses, etc etc. You're a cat girl so you are super agile you can jump across stuff, climb up walls, do backflips. You're pretty agile which is fun, but the controls are shitty so you're always flying or having seizures all over the place. I even had a bug where I dash leaped and I missed my landing and went through a wall then started flying around through the sky and towards the end of the stage. I skipped half the content of the level and it was buggy as hell.

The story itself is confusing, makes no sense and you meet people that disappear and come back and you're going "who the fuck is this again?" So shit happens and then you go around chopping people and you're not even given any background or anything. You go "Oh the magasse sisters? I hope they're not still mad at what happened" WHAT HAPPENED? I shouldn't even be complaining since its obviously made for people who read the web comic or wants to read the web comic but no I'm not one of those. Instead I wander around confused and then the game ends suddenly, "continued in part 2" WHAT THE HELL!? THERE'S A PART 2 FOR THIS SHIT?

I am already haunted by the constant "I TOLD YOU SO!" I had enough of the shitty controls, annoying characters, lame dialogue, and dumb jokes. Like "This is is fishier than tentacle pr0n!"The fuck! Who uses Pr0n? Game sucks.