The game is just called Mechwarrior, since its a series reboot. It still isn't too clear to me why a series reboot is justified in having a name that allows it to be easily confused with the original Mechwarrior game. That just sounds stupid to me.
"Hey lets reboot Spiderman and give him a new image that will rejuvenate the franchise"
"Alright, so we want to make it different from the original Spiderman right?"
"Yea, for sure. The old Spiderman is too boring, so we're making him different. This way fans can't even complain about inconsistencies."
"Uh okay. So what do we call it, if we want to make it differentiable?"
"How about... Spiderman?"
"..."
Seriously, that must be the conversation that occurs in Hollywood or wherever reboots may be made. Only God knows what is wrong with these people... And how they should be punished in hell accordingly.
So anyway, I will be referring to this new upcoming 2009 game as Mechwarrior 5, since it makes far more sense. Here is a trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sl4eI3htAuA
It uses the UT3 engine. Cool that they were able to adapt the UT3 engine; it looks good. Not so cool that I can already bet that many sacrifices to gameplay were made to cater to this engine. Also, when a developer reuses an engine, they save development time and money. I fully expect that these resources are reinvested to the game itself, and the game should be even better than if it had its own engine. So, the bar has been raised, even though the game hasn't even been released. Well, they brought it upon themselves.
So whats the problem?
There is no problem! Yea! What a surprise, coming from me, the pessimist of the century. I am actually glad they are doing this game, as I am a big fan of Mechwarrior, and although I hate unfaithful adaptations, Mechwarrior's franchise was dead because its original IP holder, FASA had been liquidated. Microsoft held the rights, but they weren't going to touch the money-losing franchise with a 10 feet pole. Basically, the Mech fans had lost hope of having another game for ages... And here we have an opportunity to restart it... And its on PC! Man that sounds great way to bring back some old memories. Considering how I've been waiting on a MW mod that has been in development for years (and still is)... You can see how eager I am to play MechWarrior again.
With my optimism though, there are some things that bother me, although I won't really mind either way. Just think of it as a wishlist.
- I don't think that MW5 will support fully customizable mechs like in MW4. It may be following more of the boardgame rules in this sense, and only allow pre-set variants. That's a shame, because it makes it a little less fun, but it comes with the benefit of cutting out cheap variants that can abuse certain aspects. The gameplay will be more well balanced instead. I can appreciate both results in this case, although having full-customization for unranked or offline play would be the best of both worlds.
- The date in the trailer says 3015. The clans invaded in 3050 (late 3049 if you're really anal) so clan tech will probably not be in the game. That's a shame, since a lot of my favorite mech designs were from clans, and some of the best weapons in the game were also clan weapons. While this is alright from a lore perspective, clan weapons have always been plain superior upgrades relative to standard weapons. It made standard weapons instantly obsolete and redundant. I can understand the advantages to having clan weapons in the game, but also not having them. Like I said above, having the option in unranked/singleplayer would be amazing. However, I doubt clan chassis will be in, since that requires a lot more work for the developers. A friend though notes that the Atlas-C in the trailer is a variant made in 3080, so it could be possible that the reboot cheats the standard lore a little bit, and clans could be in anyway. How's that for geekdom?
That's really it for my wishlist. I'm really excited about this game, like I have not been for a game in a long time. I hope it'll have a larger and more tightly knit multiplayer community than the previous games.
Edit: Apparently the game is being called MechWarrior 3015 by the community. Fair enough.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Command and Conquer 4: The Revenge of Tiberium!
Well, I admit. EA is just better than I am.
AT MAKING SHITTY SUBTITLES.
Yeah, considering their previous publications - BFME2: Rise of the Witch King, CNC3: Tiberium Wars, CNC3: Kane's Wrath, then RA3: Uprising, and just Tiberium (for their first person shooter title) - EA has me beaten by a mile when it comes to cliche, angry and spiteful underdog avenger titles. Ooh. So scary.
So, no. CNC4 isn't called the Revenge of Tiberium. I'm sure it'll be much worse though, so just stay tuned. But it'll be pretty hard for Tiberium to have revenge on anybody... You know why? Tiberium is now a tame and easily accessible resource that has no infringement on human health or lifestyle. What the fuck.
For those who don't know the lore being Tiberium, I will do a quick recap, as the story was revealed by Westwood, the original developers. Not long ago, a meteor fell from space and crashed in Italy. It brought with it a strange biological plant growth called Tiberium that leeched minerals out of the ground and sprouted it as a green plant on the surface. While this made harvesting the plant quite lucrative, the plant emitted poisonous gases and rapidly spread, destroying Earth's habitat, killing off other plants and animals. Tiberium's growth was so dramatic that much of the world was covered in it, even the seas were clogged with it, and the only places that could slow its growth were icy artic regions or areas with steep rocky terrain. The world was being split into two factions, GDI and Nod, the former trying to restore peace and order and quell the advance of Tiberium, and the latter trying to undermine GDI (and the current world order) to embrace Tiberium, the secrets it may hold, and usher forward a new race of enhanced beings. While GDI and Nod slugged it out with each other, they stumbled upon the bizarre. Some wild animals, humans and even plants adapted with excessive exposure to Tiberium, becoming much stronger and more resilient. Furthermore, Tiberium was obviously alien, but unnervingly hinted at the existence of an invading intelligent alien race.
Unfortunately, as Westwood's rights to the franchise were passed to EA, the story began to crumble in inconsistency. Tiberium became some crystalline lifeform, and resembled the minerals in Starcraft. Alien artifacts that were found in earlier games were 'refound' at an even earlier date. Alien arrivals were poorly explained, and Nod's enigmatic and visionary leader, Kane, began to operate in a questionable manner with incomprehensible objectives. But worse... Tiberium is no longer the plague that is encompassing the globe. It is now of no threat to anyone, safely locked away underground, and mined by large vertical drilling shafts. Tiberium no longer is on the surface to destroy civilian respiratory systems, give severe skin burns and cancers, corrode the armor off of vehicles, mutate biosystems, or uproot and level cities. What's going on? The main element of the game... The resource you NAMED the game after, has been so drastically altered, there is really no point in trying to continue this franchise. Worse, EA drops the guillotine: they claim they will be concluding the story and wrap up loose ends with this final installment. Considering how they bullshitted the story for both CNC3 and the expansion pack, they have so many plot holes and loose ends that they will never be able to piece the thing back together in just a single game.
EA tried to write the story as it pleased them in CNC3, and it lead to inconsistencies and fans asking well-deserved questions, often about the characters or incomplete events from the previous titles. But since it was plainly obvious that EA did not even play the previous games themselves, they had no idea who or what the fans were talking about. So... what did they do? They made an expansion pack to try fill in the gaps. So the fans received 5 second explanations during FMVs, often just saying that so-and-so died before the game events occurred, or that Tiberium underwent a mysterious overnight transformation and that researchers could not come up with any answers. Wow. Lame. If by 'filling the gaps' they meant just acknowledging their poorly written inconsistencies in an official FMV... then EA sure succeeded. And worse, they tried to bring back old characters and factions to do fanservice... even when these things had no right to return. Now with factions like Cabal, a previously rogue AI commander, back in his throne, EA has plot holes the size of dump trucks to fill. And yet they think they can complete a convincing story in just ONE game? Get over yourself, EA.
So that's enough about the plot. They fucked it up, and it isn't going to get unfucked any time soon. But what really pisses me off is that they're selling the same fucking rehash gameplay and engine. This engine has been used for 11 games, not including expansions! 5 of these games were ancient, and used a very very old basic version of this engine, fair enough... But the earliest one was from 2001! Way to milk a dry cow. Or in this case, a dry and half-eaten-by-vultures carcass. Now just reusing engine code isn't bad... But its the way it is used is important. Some games show noticable engine upgrades and improvements that make the engine recycling well justified... But EA does not make that sort of game. Currently, the CNC4 screenshots look like a game from 2004... But I will give them the benefit of the doubt since it's still in alpha: CNC4 at release will look about as sharp and clean as CNC3, but no better. Why is this? Because EA has no incentive to improve it past that, and CNC3 already consumed a ton of memory in high-res textures. On top of that, RA3, based on the same engine, showed diminishing graphics relative to CNC3, a game that is its predecessor.
Graphics aside, CNC4 doesn't have any gameplay innovations to speak of, only concepts borrowed from other games. Instead of having a construction yard and building around it like other CNC games, you have a walking mega unit that is pretty much your base all in one package. Not only has this been done before in Universe at War, and Dawn of War, but it isn't anything like what the franchise is like. Instead of harvesting fields of rapidly growing Tiberium, you capture and hold Tiberium control points that give you a steady stream of income. Done by Dawn of War and other capture-point based RTSes like Demigod, Company of Heroes, and World in Conflict. This is not anything like any CNC game either. They've introduced a population cap. If I wanted to play a Blizzard game, I'd play a Blizzard game. There's also no more base building, another feature taken from modern tactical RTSes. Everything that made CNC unique is gone, we only have some pathetic trend following, courtesy of sloppy and uninspired EA developers. Instead of unlocking units by teching up to new tech tiers, you level up your commander level by killing or losing units. Your commander level is a consistent stat that carries across games. Not only is this RPG element completely unnecessary, but it is so poorly integrated that it will throw a wrench in any RTS mechanic that remains in the game. Players will be limited to what units they can build because of their level. That limits build orders, strategies and even the opponents they can fairly fight and counter. Why even bother? This is a terrible idea just at conception. Scrap the damn thing.
Now someone may ask... The game isn't out, why are you so harsh and so certain it will fail? These words were spoken to me every single time a EA CNC game was on the horizon. It came about for CNC3, for KW, and for RA3. Yet unsurprisingly, every time, I was justified in my criticism. EA is truly a company that you cannot let out of your sight, as when they are given creative freedom, they are bound to failure and disappointment. So, I know without a doubt that EA will screw up CNC4, and like their previous releases, I refuse to purchase it. And you know what is sad? I was happy when EA announced the cancellation of Tiberium, their first person shooter rendition of the CNC universe. I thought they came to their senses and decided to not pursue developing a genre and universe that they did not understand and instead moved their investment to something they do better... Like sports or something. But no. They put their money here, in this other abomination of a RPG-Squadbased-Tactical-RTS game. Jumping from one sinking ship to another. There is no doubt that EA will fuck up. The only question on my mind is between the unfinished Tiberium project and CNC4, which one would have been the lesser of two evils? Ultimately, the answer to this is moot; both of them are destined to be a shit stain on gaming.
AT MAKING SHITTY SUBTITLES.
Yeah, considering their previous publications - BFME2: Rise of the Witch King, CNC3: Tiberium Wars, CNC3: Kane's Wrath, then RA3: Uprising, and just Tiberium (for their first person shooter title) - EA has me beaten by a mile when it comes to cliche, angry and spiteful underdog avenger titles. Ooh. So scary.
So, no. CNC4 isn't called the Revenge of Tiberium. I'm sure it'll be much worse though, so just stay tuned. But it'll be pretty hard for Tiberium to have revenge on anybody... You know why? Tiberium is now a tame and easily accessible resource that has no infringement on human health or lifestyle. What the fuck.
For those who don't know the lore being Tiberium, I will do a quick recap, as the story was revealed by Westwood, the original developers. Not long ago, a meteor fell from space and crashed in Italy. It brought with it a strange biological plant growth called Tiberium that leeched minerals out of the ground and sprouted it as a green plant on the surface. While this made harvesting the plant quite lucrative, the plant emitted poisonous gases and rapidly spread, destroying Earth's habitat, killing off other plants and animals. Tiberium's growth was so dramatic that much of the world was covered in it, even the seas were clogged with it, and the only places that could slow its growth were icy artic regions or areas with steep rocky terrain. The world was being split into two factions, GDI and Nod, the former trying to restore peace and order and quell the advance of Tiberium, and the latter trying to undermine GDI (and the current world order) to embrace Tiberium, the secrets it may hold, and usher forward a new race of enhanced beings. While GDI and Nod slugged it out with each other, they stumbled upon the bizarre. Some wild animals, humans and even plants adapted with excessive exposure to Tiberium, becoming much stronger and more resilient. Furthermore, Tiberium was obviously alien, but unnervingly hinted at the existence of an invading intelligent alien race.
Unfortunately, as Westwood's rights to the franchise were passed to EA, the story began to crumble in inconsistency. Tiberium became some crystalline lifeform, and resembled the minerals in Starcraft. Alien artifacts that were found in earlier games were 'refound' at an even earlier date. Alien arrivals were poorly explained, and Nod's enigmatic and visionary leader, Kane, began to operate in a questionable manner with incomprehensible objectives. But worse... Tiberium is no longer the plague that is encompassing the globe. It is now of no threat to anyone, safely locked away underground, and mined by large vertical drilling shafts. Tiberium no longer is on the surface to destroy civilian respiratory systems, give severe skin burns and cancers, corrode the armor off of vehicles, mutate biosystems, or uproot and level cities. What's going on? The main element of the game... The resource you NAMED the game after, has been so drastically altered, there is really no point in trying to continue this franchise. Worse, EA drops the guillotine: they claim they will be concluding the story and wrap up loose ends with this final installment. Considering how they bullshitted the story for both CNC3 and the expansion pack, they have so many plot holes and loose ends that they will never be able to piece the thing back together in just a single game.
EA tried to write the story as it pleased them in CNC3, and it lead to inconsistencies and fans asking well-deserved questions, often about the characters or incomplete events from the previous titles. But since it was plainly obvious that EA did not even play the previous games themselves, they had no idea who or what the fans were talking about. So... what did they do? They made an expansion pack to try fill in the gaps. So the fans received 5 second explanations during FMVs, often just saying that so-and-so died before the game events occurred, or that Tiberium underwent a mysterious overnight transformation and that researchers could not come up with any answers. Wow. Lame. If by 'filling the gaps' they meant just acknowledging their poorly written inconsistencies in an official FMV... then EA sure succeeded. And worse, they tried to bring back old characters and factions to do fanservice... even when these things had no right to return. Now with factions like Cabal, a previously rogue AI commander, back in his throne, EA has plot holes the size of dump trucks to fill. And yet they think they can complete a convincing story in just ONE game? Get over yourself, EA.
So that's enough about the plot. They fucked it up, and it isn't going to get unfucked any time soon. But what really pisses me off is that they're selling the same fucking rehash gameplay and engine. This engine has been used for 11 games, not including expansions! 5 of these games were ancient, and used a very very old basic version of this engine, fair enough... But the earliest one was from 2001! Way to milk a dry cow. Or in this case, a dry and half-eaten-by-vultures carcass. Now just reusing engine code isn't bad... But its the way it is used is important. Some games show noticable engine upgrades and improvements that make the engine recycling well justified... But EA does not make that sort of game. Currently, the CNC4 screenshots look like a game from 2004... But I will give them the benefit of the doubt since it's still in alpha: CNC4 at release will look about as sharp and clean as CNC3, but no better. Why is this? Because EA has no incentive to improve it past that, and CNC3 already consumed a ton of memory in high-res textures. On top of that, RA3, based on the same engine, showed diminishing graphics relative to CNC3, a game that is its predecessor.
Graphics aside, CNC4 doesn't have any gameplay innovations to speak of, only concepts borrowed from other games. Instead of having a construction yard and building around it like other CNC games, you have a walking mega unit that is pretty much your base all in one package. Not only has this been done before in Universe at War, and Dawn of War, but it isn't anything like what the franchise is like. Instead of harvesting fields of rapidly growing Tiberium, you capture and hold Tiberium control points that give you a steady stream of income. Done by Dawn of War and other capture-point based RTSes like Demigod, Company of Heroes, and World in Conflict. This is not anything like any CNC game either. They've introduced a population cap. If I wanted to play a Blizzard game, I'd play a Blizzard game. There's also no more base building, another feature taken from modern tactical RTSes. Everything that made CNC unique is gone, we only have some pathetic trend following, courtesy of sloppy and uninspired EA developers. Instead of unlocking units by teching up to new tech tiers, you level up your commander level by killing or losing units. Your commander level is a consistent stat that carries across games. Not only is this RPG element completely unnecessary, but it is so poorly integrated that it will throw a wrench in any RTS mechanic that remains in the game. Players will be limited to what units they can build because of their level. That limits build orders, strategies and even the opponents they can fairly fight and counter. Why even bother? This is a terrible idea just at conception. Scrap the damn thing.
Now someone may ask... The game isn't out, why are you so harsh and so certain it will fail? These words were spoken to me every single time a EA CNC game was on the horizon. It came about for CNC3, for KW, and for RA3. Yet unsurprisingly, every time, I was justified in my criticism. EA is truly a company that you cannot let out of your sight, as when they are given creative freedom, they are bound to failure and disappointment. So, I know without a doubt that EA will screw up CNC4, and like their previous releases, I refuse to purchase it. And you know what is sad? I was happy when EA announced the cancellation of Tiberium, their first person shooter rendition of the CNC universe. I thought they came to their senses and decided to not pursue developing a genre and universe that they did not understand and instead moved their investment to something they do better... Like sports or something. But no. They put their money here, in this other abomination of a RPG-Squadbased-Tactical-RTS game. Jumping from one sinking ship to another. There is no doubt that EA will fuck up. The only question on my mind is between the unfinished Tiberium project and CNC4, which one would have been the lesser of two evils? Ultimately, the answer to this is moot; both of them are destined to be a shit stain on gaming.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Velvet Assassin - I CAN'T OPEN DOORS!
I haven't finished this game. I don't intend to. What is Velvet Assassin exactly? Well, its a stealth game where you play as Violette Summers, a British spy in WWII. When you first start the game you see Violette lying on a hospital bed from a "mission gone wrong" and is stuck in some kind of coma. Then you start replaying missions based on her memories. It doesn't sound so bad right? Except the entire stealth system is flawed. Not a minor flaw, but huge flaws like how the enemies won't open the door and shoot you.
The first mission you start off by sneaking into a base. Pretty standard stuff. You get a purple glow when you are in the shadows meaning, no one can see you. But you step into the light or touch broken glass then people see you. You get a knife and a pistol with a silencer with 6 rounds. Once these rounds are gone you don't get any more. Shooting a guy in the head means he dies in a single shot anywhere else, nope. So this means you need good aim. Which is fairly easy and most of the enemies in this game stand around being retarded. So you're going around sneaking in the shadows and when they turn their back you sneak over and silent kill them with a knife.
Simple stuff. Then you get to parts and Violette will suddenly point out "I remember, I had to turn off the electricity here. This is an electric fence." Thanks... Like I can't tell with the high voltage signs plastered all over the walls. So you sneak over and break the power. Then OH SHIT THE ENEMY SAW ME WHAT DO I DO? Well if you get caught you have two options. Fight or Run. Running is the easiest. Once you hide in the shadows the enemy will walk over and look straight at you but you're glowing purple right? Yeah. So you pull out your gun, point that thing at his head and bang he's dead. Or if you're too lazy to do that you can hit MORPHINE MODE. What is morphine mode? Well the thing is Violette is struggling in her hospital bed and the nurse gives her a shot of morphine. Morphine must be found throughout the stage and it has a one time use. Using it the whole world slows down, kinda like F.E.A.R. You run around in your undergarments and the whole world is pink with fluffy flowers floating everywhere. And if you get close to an enemy you get a instant kill move. After killing someone. The morphine wears out and the other guy beside him will kill you.
The stages are pretty straightforward. Violette explains the situation at the start of every stage. Then you get thrown in and you finish it. Sneaking around you shoot a guy then the other guy comes over looks at the body goes "oh shit he's dead!" and walk back to his spot and smokes a cigarette to ease the pain of a dead comrade and then you stab him in the back. I also like to point out that after each stage your ammo and health magically replenishes itself. I understand if its like a whole different time and you get to restock but if its like a sub-stage you still get ammo. Then you keep going and you go into a room. Oh crap bad mistake! There's like four guys standing around. You take your gun you shoot one in the head and quickly run out the room. You then look through the keyhole and you see three guys walk up the door and starts yelling in German. Then they go "she went behind the door! I CAN'T OPEN DOORS!" and then they go back to the spots and you go in and shoot them all and continue forward.
Climbing up the bell tower you meet your first boss Colonel Schnitzel or whatever aka the butcher of Paris. You grab a bulletproof vest and a shotgun which happens to be lying there for no apparent reason. Then you climb up. You start hearing the guy start yelling "GET THE BITCH. TURN ON THE LIGHTS AND FORCE THE BITCH TO COME OUT" and then all the lights are open and you take out your shotgun and blast all the guards in the face. You then see Schnitzel and he pulls out a pistol. NOT SO FAST ASSHOLE! You point your shotgun in his face point blank and BAM RIGHT IN THE FACE BITCH. But wait! He's not dead! So he shoots at you and you go BAM RIGHT IN THE FACE BITCH AGAIN! Wait, he's not dead yet! THEN AGAIN YOU GO BAM RIGHT IN THE FACE BITCH. And finally he dies but not before a cutscene where you see Schnitzel lie on the ground with a bloody nose and Violette walks over points a shotgun to his head then the screen changes and you hear a BAM and all the birds fly away.
I don't know about you but I'd love to be able to take a shot or three in the face and walk away with just a bloody nose. Isn't this supposed to be realistic? Like you're actually stealthing around killing people? Not watching retarded enemies run around and blasting people in the face with shotguns which doesn't kill them. That was were I stopped. It sucks. That is all.
The first mission you start off by sneaking into a base. Pretty standard stuff. You get a purple glow when you are in the shadows meaning, no one can see you. But you step into the light or touch broken glass then people see you. You get a knife and a pistol with a silencer with 6 rounds. Once these rounds are gone you don't get any more. Shooting a guy in the head means he dies in a single shot anywhere else, nope. So this means you need good aim. Which is fairly easy and most of the enemies in this game stand around being retarded. So you're going around sneaking in the shadows and when they turn their back you sneak over and silent kill them with a knife.
Simple stuff. Then you get to parts and Violette will suddenly point out "I remember, I had to turn off the electricity here. This is an electric fence." Thanks... Like I can't tell with the high voltage signs plastered all over the walls. So you sneak over and break the power. Then OH SHIT THE ENEMY SAW ME WHAT DO I DO? Well if you get caught you have two options. Fight or Run. Running is the easiest. Once you hide in the shadows the enemy will walk over and look straight at you but you're glowing purple right? Yeah. So you pull out your gun, point that thing at his head and bang he's dead. Or if you're too lazy to do that you can hit MORPHINE MODE. What is morphine mode? Well the thing is Violette is struggling in her hospital bed and the nurse gives her a shot of morphine. Morphine must be found throughout the stage and it has a one time use. Using it the whole world slows down, kinda like F.E.A.R. You run around in your undergarments and the whole world is pink with fluffy flowers floating everywhere. And if you get close to an enemy you get a instant kill move. After killing someone. The morphine wears out and the other guy beside him will kill you.
The stages are pretty straightforward. Violette explains the situation at the start of every stage. Then you get thrown in and you finish it. Sneaking around you shoot a guy then the other guy comes over looks at the body goes "oh shit he's dead!" and walk back to his spot and smokes a cigarette to ease the pain of a dead comrade and then you stab him in the back. I also like to point out that after each stage your ammo and health magically replenishes itself. I understand if its like a whole different time and you get to restock but if its like a sub-stage you still get ammo. Then you keep going and you go into a room. Oh crap bad mistake! There's like four guys standing around. You take your gun you shoot one in the head and quickly run out the room. You then look through the keyhole and you see three guys walk up the door and starts yelling in German. Then they go "she went behind the door! I CAN'T OPEN DOORS!" and then they go back to the spots and you go in and shoot them all and continue forward.
Climbing up the bell tower you meet your first boss Colonel Schnitzel or whatever aka the butcher of Paris. You grab a bulletproof vest and a shotgun which happens to be lying there for no apparent reason. Then you climb up. You start hearing the guy start yelling "GET THE BITCH. TURN ON THE LIGHTS AND FORCE THE BITCH TO COME OUT" and then all the lights are open and you take out your shotgun and blast all the guards in the face. You then see Schnitzel and he pulls out a pistol. NOT SO FAST ASSHOLE! You point your shotgun in his face point blank and BAM RIGHT IN THE FACE BITCH. But wait! He's not dead! So he shoots at you and you go BAM RIGHT IN THE FACE BITCH AGAIN! Wait, he's not dead yet! THEN AGAIN YOU GO BAM RIGHT IN THE FACE BITCH. And finally he dies but not before a cutscene where you see Schnitzel lie on the ground with a bloody nose and Violette walks over points a shotgun to his head then the screen changes and you hear a BAM and all the birds fly away.
I don't know about you but I'd love to be able to take a shot or three in the face and walk away with just a bloody nose. Isn't this supposed to be realistic? Like you're actually stealthing around killing people? Not watching retarded enemies run around and blasting people in the face with shotguns which doesn't kill them. That was were I stopped. It sucks. That is all.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Fahrenheit - 9/11 was better than this shit
I didn't want to talk about this game because it was so bad but, since I just heard someone talk about how it was awesome I had to write this. First of all you probably never heard of this game, and that's a good thing. Its name was changed to Indigo Prophecy in the US because of the documentary called Fahrenheit 9/11. It is supposedly an action game, made by a french company about a series of murders in NY. And I use game loosely here because according to Quantic Dream, the creator of this monstrosity, it is actually an "interactive film." You're probably thinking what the hell is an interactive film? I want a game not a film. Well that's what I said as well.
You start off the game with the developer appearing in front of you and start bragging his face off about how great his game is and how everyone should make a solid gold statue of him to worship him for the rest of humanity. This guy starts talking and there is no way to just skip this. He goes on and on and then he tells you to do something. If you do it wrong you'll hear "No, no, no, try again" or something like that in his french accent. After about 20 minutes of that you'll finally begin playing the game. Oh wait no, you watch a movie. Then after the 6 hour opening you find yourself standing in a diner bathroom with blood over your hands holding a knife with a dead guy on the floor. All right! Action! Or... wait...
Well it looked promising at the beginning. It reminded me of Hitman, and that is a good thing. You have a load of options to do. You can just run out the building, clean up the mess drag the body away ditch the weapon, even clean up pay your bills and leave normally. There is also the split screen thing like in Hitman where when someone comes close you can see. Yeah a cop is making his way into the washroom to take a leak and you're fighting the clock. I hate to say, but this is the only part in the game where this happens. So enjoy the first 5 minutes of the game because that'll be the most fun you will get. After getting out of the diner and taking a cab home you switch to the point of view of someone else.
You get a black cop, Tyler, and his white cop partner, Carla, who has to walk around finding clues that you have or have not hidden as Lucas Kane. Also no matter what action you do, the story will still follow its linear line. There will be no difference in the end no matter what action you choose. You have to get all the clues before you can move on. Half the time though, the characters are talking to themselves, aka you. So you can know a little of what they are thinking and you can do stuff depending on what they are thinking. Tyler and Carla will always be together so you'll have to switch between them to get things done. For example, Tyler could be at the office and you need to call Carla, then you hit the switch button and have Carla pick up the phone from her house. Yes it is very annoying. Yes you have to do this everytime. No if you don't switch the guy won't hang up.
So you keep doing stupid things like this. You control Lucas and choose to screw him over or let him remain innocent a bit longer. In the end, he has to get caught so there is no difference. As the story progresses the storyline starts turning into a train wreck. Not that it wasn't a train wreck before but now its like they know there is a wreck so they send more trains in to see what happens. So you keep having visions of a weird little girl, kind of like F.E.A.R but without the "scary" aspect. Not that F.E.A.R is scary at all but this is about Fahrenheit so that's for another time. Then Lucas Kane starts seeing things like giant bugs appear everywhere and starts going ape shit. NOW YOU SEE ACTION RIGHT? No. You start playing Simon Says with the keyboard. If you don't know what simon says then here's a link for you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVzZVYtt64I
That is literally what you do for all the action scenes in the game. It's long, its tedious, and its boring. Its also more corny and lame than the commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYEHtFVLqzk
Yeah... I wish I youtubed it before I started playing it. Anyways the story goes on and it sorta pulls a Xenogears where the second half you don't get to play though it you just hear what goes on. Then you find out about the "oracle" who is a mayan oracle who controls you to kill people. The "indigo child" which is the little autistic girl who will speak and say something that will give the person the power to rule the world. The orange clan who is after the indigo child for over 2000 years. They know every thing in the world and what everyone is doing, kinda like big brother. Then theres the purple clan made up of A.I from the internet who is after the indigo child as well to gain world domination over humans. Then theres the invisibles who are homeless bums who are fighting against the other clans. Yeah homeless people... Theres like 5 of them... yeah....
Anyways the whole game is about mini games. And by mini games I mean annoying pointless shit that gives you high blood pressure. Watch a few scenes then you have a mini game such as Carla having claustrophobia and must go into the dark lonely basement to find tapes. She will have a panic attack and you must control her breathing by pressing left and right constantly or she'll go crazy and you game over. Its not over in like 2 minutes. No. It takes 15 minutes to finish that not counting the times you screw up and have to start over. After that you get a few scenes then you get another mini game! Now you're Tyler and you have to find a book in the library. Holy shit is the library huge. Theres four floors with like three sections and you can only take one book off the shelf at a time and give it to the dude and if its wrong he sends you back. Since I didn't give a shit about the stupid riddle which was impossible, I just ran around and found the book by accident. It was on the top floor in the corner by the way. So this just repeats endlessly until the second half of the game.
The second half reveals that Lucas Kane is the "chosen one" or whatever the shit it is. They pull a matrix and he turns into some super god. The Carla meets him and bangs him in the amount of time it takes to read this sentence. And you find out Lucas Kane is dead and he was revived by the AI to trick him into their side but he has the "Chroma" which was leftover by UFO's or some shit and he was able to fight back and the game ends he becomes a god and Carla is pregnant with his child. He just sits there on a rock going "I know all the answers to the universe. Carla is pregnant. I am going to kill myself for being in this piece of shit game."
He said that last sentence. Or at least in my mind he said that. Thats it. This is the shittiest game that is ever created. Do. Not. Play. This. Shit. Ever. If you want to play a less shitty game I'd start with Persona 3 and make your way down here. If you play this game you'll never want to game again in your life. It's that shitty.
You start off the game with the developer appearing in front of you and start bragging his face off about how great his game is and how everyone should make a solid gold statue of him to worship him for the rest of humanity. This guy starts talking and there is no way to just skip this. He goes on and on and then he tells you to do something. If you do it wrong you'll hear "No, no, no, try again" or something like that in his french accent. After about 20 minutes of that you'll finally begin playing the game. Oh wait no, you watch a movie. Then after the 6 hour opening you find yourself standing in a diner bathroom with blood over your hands holding a knife with a dead guy on the floor. All right! Action! Or... wait...
Well it looked promising at the beginning. It reminded me of Hitman, and that is a good thing. You have a load of options to do. You can just run out the building, clean up the mess drag the body away ditch the weapon, even clean up pay your bills and leave normally. There is also the split screen thing like in Hitman where when someone comes close you can see. Yeah a cop is making his way into the washroom to take a leak and you're fighting the clock. I hate to say, but this is the only part in the game where this happens. So enjoy the first 5 minutes of the game because that'll be the most fun you will get. After getting out of the diner and taking a cab home you switch to the point of view of someone else.
You get a black cop, Tyler, and his white cop partner, Carla, who has to walk around finding clues that you have or have not hidden as Lucas Kane. Also no matter what action you do, the story will still follow its linear line. There will be no difference in the end no matter what action you choose. You have to get all the clues before you can move on. Half the time though, the characters are talking to themselves, aka you. So you can know a little of what they are thinking and you can do stuff depending on what they are thinking. Tyler and Carla will always be together so you'll have to switch between them to get things done. For example, Tyler could be at the office and you need to call Carla, then you hit the switch button and have Carla pick up the phone from her house. Yes it is very annoying. Yes you have to do this everytime. No if you don't switch the guy won't hang up.
So you keep doing stupid things like this. You control Lucas and choose to screw him over or let him remain innocent a bit longer. In the end, he has to get caught so there is no difference. As the story progresses the storyline starts turning into a train wreck. Not that it wasn't a train wreck before but now its like they know there is a wreck so they send more trains in to see what happens. So you keep having visions of a weird little girl, kind of like F.E.A.R but without the "scary" aspect. Not that F.E.A.R is scary at all but this is about Fahrenheit so that's for another time. Then Lucas Kane starts seeing things like giant bugs appear everywhere and starts going ape shit. NOW YOU SEE ACTION RIGHT? No. You start playing Simon Says with the keyboard. If you don't know what simon says then here's a link for you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVzZVYtt64I
That is literally what you do for all the action scenes in the game. It's long, its tedious, and its boring. Its also more corny and lame than the commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYEHtFVLqzk
Yeah... I wish I youtubed it before I started playing it. Anyways the story goes on and it sorta pulls a Xenogears where the second half you don't get to play though it you just hear what goes on. Then you find out about the "oracle" who is a mayan oracle who controls you to kill people. The "indigo child" which is the little autistic girl who will speak and say something that will give the person the power to rule the world. The orange clan who is after the indigo child for over 2000 years. They know every thing in the world and what everyone is doing, kinda like big brother. Then theres the purple clan made up of A.I from the internet who is after the indigo child as well to gain world domination over humans. Then theres the invisibles who are homeless bums who are fighting against the other clans. Yeah homeless people... Theres like 5 of them... yeah....
Anyways the whole game is about mini games. And by mini games I mean annoying pointless shit that gives you high blood pressure. Watch a few scenes then you have a mini game such as Carla having claustrophobia and must go into the dark lonely basement to find tapes. She will have a panic attack and you must control her breathing by pressing left and right constantly or she'll go crazy and you game over. Its not over in like 2 minutes. No. It takes 15 minutes to finish that not counting the times you screw up and have to start over. After that you get a few scenes then you get another mini game! Now you're Tyler and you have to find a book in the library. Holy shit is the library huge. Theres four floors with like three sections and you can only take one book off the shelf at a time and give it to the dude and if its wrong he sends you back. Since I didn't give a shit about the stupid riddle which was impossible, I just ran around and found the book by accident. It was on the top floor in the corner by the way. So this just repeats endlessly until the second half of the game.
The second half reveals that Lucas Kane is the "chosen one" or whatever the shit it is. They pull a matrix and he turns into some super god. The Carla meets him and bangs him in the amount of time it takes to read this sentence. And you find out Lucas Kane is dead and he was revived by the AI to trick him into their side but he has the "Chroma" which was leftover by UFO's or some shit and he was able to fight back and the game ends he becomes a god and Carla is pregnant with his child. He just sits there on a rock going "I know all the answers to the universe. Carla is pregnant. I am going to kill myself for being in this piece of shit game."
He said that last sentence. Or at least in my mind he said that. Thats it. This is the shittiest game that is ever created. Do. Not. Play. This. Shit. Ever. If you want to play a less shitty game I'd start with Persona 3 and make your way down here. If you play this game you'll never want to game again in your life. It's that shitty.
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