Thursday, November 29, 2012

No one gives two shits where you used to work

Seriously, whats with all these developers plastering "Ex-Bioware employees" on everything as if it actually means anything. More and more developers have gone indie and you hear this for every single time. Disgruntled employees or employees who wish to create their own vision now need a kickstarter to help fund their games! They're founded by 3 Ex-Bioware employees! Oh wow I just shit my pants from reading that! Fuck off. No one gives a shit where you came from.

Its not just indie games either, we have big name companies who go "This entirely new IP we're making has Ex-Bioware employees working on it!" Is Bioware even relevant now? I think after the shitty trio that is Dragon Age 2, Mass Effect 3, SWTOR they put out recently most people would read that with some skepticism. First of all, who are these millions of employees from Bioware, and secondly which employees are they? Of course its not just Bioware but the most common ones you see are Bestheda, Bioware, and Blizzard. No one gives a flying fuck about the rest. You never hear anyone go "We used to work at this so and so company!" They want a big names like Bioware to show that they were good enough to play with the big boys.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Mana Khemia 1 & 2 - Endless murdering of monster girls

(Well I decided to finally finish this and post it after sitting in draft mode since forever.)

Mana Khemia : Alchemists of Al-Revis

Mana Knemia 2: The fall of Alchemy

This will be a joint double review. Lets start it off as always. How I came to find this game. I was looking around when I saw Mana Khemia 2 coming out, so I checked out the first of the series. Alchemist? Sounds interesting. Then I saw NIS America made it, the same people who made Disgaea and other similar games. I thought, this must be pretty good right!? Well they also made Ar Tonelico with its infamous scene seen here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoODv8LVib8

Apparently from what I have heard the sexual innuendos continue for the whole game in Ar Tonelico. Then when I first started the game the graphics looks like shit while the game play felt like Persona where you are at school but at the same time hanging out with friends and killing monsters. I was horrified. In my mind, I was ready for the huge disappointment to come. I cannot express how wrong I was. This game was good. Very good in fact. There are flaws, but its a very lighthearted RPG aimed towards a younger audience but still fun to play nonetheless.

At the start of the game it lets you pick between Japanese voices and English voices. Its like the game is warning you ahead of time of the terrible voice acting. Like all games that I can switch off voice acting from Japanese games, I do it. The voices are pretty annoying at first, but eventually you'll get used to it. Didn't bother me much in the end as the characters eventually grow on you. You start off the game as Vayne, this really soft spoken passive kid living with his mana being recruited by a teacher from the academy of Al-Revis. Since he knew your father, who happens to be the most famous alchemist that has ever lived and he recently died he asked you to join the school in which you accepted. On your first day of school you immediately start meeting the four main characters and the main villains.

You meet Jessica, a fellow alchemist who is not only terrible at alchemy but a huge airhead klutz. Then as you leave the classroom you meet two seniors, Tony and Renee who tries to recruit you for their workshop. Just as this happens a man (supposed to be a student but he looks like he's 30 from a jrpg point of view) falls from the sky and recruits you first. He and Tony are rivals and he recruits you before them. Tony and Renee will be your villains. The man introduces himself as Flay and he needs people to join his workshop or he'll be closed down. Then you meet a beastman (cat people) chick named Nicole. These are your main characters.

One thing you will notice are Manas. They are magical creatures that come from another world and makes pacts with the alchemist for mutual gain. In other words a familiar for the alchemist. Without one you are weak as shit. An alchemist may choose to restrain the mana by force or to just simply make a pact. You already have a Mana, a cat named Sulpher. Sulpher is special as only you can hear and understand him, everyone else sees him as a very smart cat but with magical powers. It is part of the storyline so there is a reason. Mana are gained by storyline or by interacting with different characters during "free time" mode. To access free time, you must complete all the required credits in a term. Once you have acquired them all you automatically enter free time and can do jobs or spend time with party members to learn their stories.

So its kinda like persona? Yes it is but its much more fun. To start things off you don't have stupid bullshit like quizzes and tests, your class are like for example, Combat class IV where you enter a dungeon clear to a boss and for that boss you are given restrictions. Cannot heal and you must beat the boss while using chains and finish off with a finishing strike. You're grade will depend on your combos and time etc etc. Other times you will be sent to create items for Synthesis class or hunt for rare items in Gathering class. There is no studying as the earlier classes are mandatory to progress the storyline and to teach the players new abilities and also show them how its done. During free time, instead of fucking finding your friends and wasting days talking to them like in persona. Its like Mass Effect where they all stand around in your workshop and you can talk to them anytime. If during a free time, they will give you an option "Do you wish to spend the day with [name]?" If you do you enter character story mode. Free time depends on how early you complete your courses. It is very lenient on how many credits you need. You have around 6-7 weeks (days) to complete all the credits for your term. You only need about 2-3 A's to complete all credits but if you're struggling with C's or F's you'll probably need the full week.

The first few characters are fun but near the end they keep adding new characters. What I dislike most is adding characters near the end of the game. You don't care about them they don't do anything to the storyline and its a waste of a character. This game the girls are scary. When I thought persona 4 girls were aggressive these will literally pull you away and force you to do stuff. Half the game is you being dragged around force to do this and that. Vayne doesn't say anything to go against them. And your mana goes "sighs" and he follows you complaining all the way. Spending time with your friends will improve skills and progress the story. The ending will change depending on who you maxed your relationship with. Only one person can become the highest maxed relationship.

Here's a breakdown of the characters.
Vayne - That's you! You have super powers you learned from Sulpher and is probably the strongest character in the game because you have both physical and magical attack.
Jessica - Airhead clutz. She is a healer and caster. She has a bag with endless stuff inside it and throws random stuff inside it for skills/attacks. Shes your classmate and first person you meet. She is very important to the storyline.
Nicole - Catgirl. She is super horny and goes around flirting with guys and trying to find a husband to have tons of children with. She has a giant hammer with super strength. Highest physical attack in the game. I had her ending and you ended up going back to her village to have dozens of cat eared children with her.
Flay - Crazy hyperactive guy. He is the comic relief. He has super powers like flying through walls and jumping across the sky and lifting houses with his bare hands. But in combat he doesn't have shit. His weapon of choice is a mechsword that shoots ninja stars. These stars are extremely strong. He beats up a mana and forcefully binds it to himself. He wishes to be a super hero/villain.
Roxis - Stuck up asshole guy. This guy is a loser and sucks ass. He doesn't have a mana and can't learn skills and he happens to be a caster. He can't do shit until much later where he gets this mana who wouldn't stop picking on him and making fun of him. He's the "rival" character. Cool-headed pretty boy who hates your guts.
Pamela - Ghost girl. Shes a ghost that lives in the school and scares all the freshmen. Shes extremely overpowered as her guard skill makes her completely immune to damage. So with her as a support she can avoid a instant death move or large damage attack by taking the damage of one of the vanguard. Other than that she's annoying as hell. She doesn't seem to have a mana.
Anna - Sword wielding girl. Shes a swordsman who has no common sense like Touka from Utawarerumono. If you don't know what that is, its a chick who has no common sense and does all sort of stupid stuff. Exactly what this chick does. Except she goes into insane kill mode and starts chasing after everyone trying to cut their necks off their head. Then cries because she messed up. She doesn't seem to have a mana either.
Muppy - Some alien guy. I don't even know I don't give a shit about him as he came like one chapter before the game ends.

Now lets get to the best part of the game, Alchemy. You will spend hours upon hours in your lab making new recipes and mixing items and other stuff. Its loads of fun. When you make an item you can potentially think of new items or your party members will pitch in and say "Hey I wanna make an armor like a crab" and you go "what?" then he write down a formula and you can go mix it if you want. For example, if you add king crabs with steel and other shit you make a crab armor which is armor literally made out of crab shells. Its hilarious and fun. Also in this game there is no exp and no leveling up. The only way of leveling up is unlocking new recipes and items from alchemy and using the AP gained from combat/gathering/etc to learn it, kinda like FFX's grid.

When you combine different items you can make them with different alchemical levels, resulting in different benefits and drawbacks which also transfers into different status and effects on your equipment and items. For example, you can make a crab armor that adds bonus to attack and allows you to cast the spell Tempest. Or you can make a weapon that adds the effect to knock back the enemy's turn on attack or even sleep on strike. Each of the materials used to make an item have different stats and end up being different when you mix them all. Choosing who to upgrade items also adds different stats and effects. There are also alchemy levels from 0-100 which is based on the items you use. By say using a lv 20 water and lv 60 crab with a lv 5 steel will make you steel crab soup lv 85. It will give different effects from say a lv 25 steel crab soup. Recrafting older items can get you higher or lower amounts as well as picking different characters and the roulette system. Higher does not always mean a better item. Sometimes its a very specific amount that gives better stats. Very customizable. Unfortunately there is a downside. When you don't have the materials to make items it can really piss you off. Luckily as you advance the game you can send your friends on gathering hunts or synthesize. You can randomly get the items you want without having to make them or hunt them every week or few weeks. This can help for rare equipment and materials.

Another great thing about this game is the combat. Its turn based and reminds me of Grandia a lot. When you start the game, there is just you, Jessica and Nicole. at the top of the screen is a row of cards with different pictures on it. Its pretty much the order of actions. As you play more you start to realize, if you continuously pound on a target, they will keep moving behind on the row. If you stun them they get knocked out and gets skipped over while everyone moves ahead. When you cast a time card spell, like for example Echo Heal Alpha. You heal someone and then you see a few cards on the list. Every time its that card's turn it automatically heals. Its like a damage or heal over time skill. These skills will randomly target enemies if its offensive and allies if its supportive. The more hits you do a bar at the bottom fills up. When it fills to full a character can use his/her super move. If you hit a target's weakness they get pushed back and stunned easier while your bar gains even quicker.

That's pretty much the basics. But when you start getting more people you'll notice that you can get more than three people in combat. You can take up to six characters into combat. Three vanguards and three supports. These are interchangeable during combat. You can hit L and R to switch your active support. When you are attacking you can hit a button anytime and your support will jump out and attack the enemy switching places with you. You can switch as many times you want. However after switching that character will have a cooldown before being able to switch. Players that are in support will slowly gain hp and sp. Skill use up a lot of sp so changing around is required. Boss fights are very long. When you are being attacked, you can hit a button and the support will jump out and take the hit to save your guy from being killed or taking less damage because they auto guard when you save your teammate. This means you can drop time cards and switch your allies to the back and keep stacking and damage starts flying around everywhere and you keep combo-ing and blocking. Different characters have different effects of supportive blocking and attacking. For example when Jessica comes out to block someone she does a party heal. And Pamela completely nullifies all damage. Anna counterattacks when she blocks, etc etc. A good strategy is to load up on time cards and switch so it keeps doing damage while your character is recovering.

Seems fun right? Yeah it is. Its very fun. I recommend this game a lot. It might not appeal to everyone though, as combat is a little easy and there isn't much to do. The story isn't bad but kinda childish. Although it does get pretty dark later on. This game is targeted at high school kids. But for some reason, almost all the enemies you meet are naked monster girls. Like you have harpy girls, dragon girls, mermaid girls, squirrel girls, dryads, plant girls, sword girls, shield girls, angel girls, devil girls, cat girls, girl girls. Even some of the items are a little messed up. You have to kill angel girls to get angel panties and use it to make angel wings and use them to make an angel costume. You use devil panties to make bondage gear for your characters. Cat ears to make cat girl maid costumes. Yeah, some alchemical formulas are a little messed up.

What about Mana Khemia 2? It must be great since the first is great right? Nope. Like Persona 4, they also got lazy and used the same monsters from Mana Khemia 1. Instead of being alchemists, you get to pick between two characters. Some sword guy and some air headed chick. Naturally I picked the sword guy but he turns out to be some dense retard. You start the game as a slave to some chick and she has a mana who looks like a person with robot ears and wears a maid uniform. This chick, Lily is your first party member and then you meet this super active girl, who is a childhood friend of Lily and you. Her name is Et, and shes the rival of Lily who is vying for your attention. None of the characters are likable and the story is stupid. Every five minutes you are slamming your head into the wall from second hand embarrassment. Ok I admit Lily was a little cute the first time when shes trying so hard to get your attention but your character is completely oblivious. Then when they do it over and over it got old fast. Honestly, its like the game decided to make Mana Khemia 2 into a big giant fan service filled with cliches and shit from anime.

In combat you don't even have six people. You can get five people and one guest on special events. Every character is annoying and you don't even wanna pick any of them. The first game had a decent story, but the second one you're this guy going around killing shit and being a stupid slave and some guy comes and give you a ring and somehow you go insane and start stabbing manas and making them die permanently by sending them back to their own world. Then you somehow find out that guy is a bad guy and you fight and he kicks your ass but somehow you get super powers and beat them and all these characters appear for no reason and you don't know who is who and what is what and the game ends. You are supposed to play the game twice to find out what you're missing from the other point of view and then the secret hidden play through where you play as both. Who is going to play it three times? Fuck that shit.

Alchemy got dumbed down. Instead of mixing properly you get this weird shit that you must + and - the numbers to get whatever. Trust me it sucks. The item variety isn't as wide and when leveling up instead of unlocking a grid you get a list you scroll though on what to level up. Items are much easier to get but for some odd reason, the gear you keep making seems to keep getting shittier and you end up using old weapons for a long time. The skills you learn are garbage as well. Some characters are just useless. And sucks to be you because you can't change characters. You only have 5 characters per main character. Special events where you get together you can pick one from the other party to make it six. These are rare and the ones you get are much weaker because you don't get to upgrade their spells or items.

The characters in the first game were generally good. Even the bad ones were good. In the second game they try way too hard. Instead of having a plot they just reuse Flay from the first game and have him do his random stuff. It was funny in the first game when he breaks through a wall like the kool-aid man randomly but after seeing it used so many times in the second game it was boring. The second game you have one dimensional characters. They have stock clichéd personalities.

The only good person in the game was Yun. He is a mana without a master that will do stuff for money. He's aloof and serious. The mature member of the group basically. Later on you find out he's doing lots of jobs to get millions and millions of Cole and you find out that when his old master died, she left a daughter which he takes care as his own. He sends all the money he earned back home to her and she grows up to be a spoiled brat. One part of the game she shows up and starts insulting everyone while looking for Yun. She's not a brat she just wants her father's attention and he's completely clueless on how to raise her. As you progress through his story he slowly learns. Unfortunately, everyone else in the game is shit.

Raze is you the unfortunate hero of the game who must listen to Lily all day long. He's pretty apathetic to everything and who can blame him when he's the slave to Lily.

Lily I already talked about, then her mana is dressed like a maid who she likes to punish all the time. I don't know why but probably to get all the dumb fuckers with maid fetishes worked up.

Et is the super hyperactive big boobed girl who has a brother complex and childhood friend secretly in love with Raze blah blah blah. Pass.

Yun the mana who is the only likable person. Has a bitchy daughter.

Puniyo the little human girl that was raised by Punis and can only say puni for all her words. She is accompanied by her three puni brothers who she rides on like a mount who can speak the human language. You'd think they'd teach her but no. These three are the most annoying characters. Pretty much three retards constantly fighting with each other and you're supposed to laugh at how stupid they are blah blah blah. Fucking cringe whenever shes on screen.

Then the other characters in the game who you have to constantly meet over and over again and fight over and over and over again. They are from the other route in their own party.

Ulrika is the country bumpkin who accidentally crashes into you at the start of the school semester and the two of you start off yelling at each other. Shes in Lily's class and Lily scolds her for you only for her to get angry at the both of you. Blah blah blah angry tsundere bullshit fuckface. Pass.

Chloe is the bookworm no emotion girl who doesn't speak and when she does its always horrible words coming out her mouth. She makes evil curse charms and shit. Boring.

Peperocino is the most fucking annoying character. Not because he sucks but because his voice is horrifying. It grates on your ears and he's this giant muscleman fairy. All other fairies are kids except for him and he speaks in this squeaky voice saying the most fucking shitty things. Pass.

Ena is Et's younger brother who has a crush on Puniyo. He's ok he's not that bad but 90% of the time he's getting chased around by Et and getting fucked over by everyone. So he's shitty because whenever you see him you know Et is going to show up and fuck over everything by being in there.

Goto just magically appears and is never mentioned in Raze's route and I have no idea who he is.

So out of all the main characters only a few are likable and by likable I mean not terrible.

The worst part is the combat is just so much worse than the first. Like you know the first game has great combat, what should we do with the second one? Fuck it up thats what. They ruined the whole specialized characters and vanguards/support thing. Its there its just not as fun as it used to be because you don't have enough characters to bounce around and strategize. In the first game you can pick and choose which characters to use to fit your strategy and everyone is highly specialized in their role. The second one you HAVE to use the five you have. It gets especially shitty in boss fights where you have to fight for 30 minutes straight. You do get a bonus party member from the other party (Ulrika's if you are Raze.) You get to choose which to pick but without any idea what they are good for what their skills are or anything. These people are generally much weaker than your party members because they don't scale them. Basically you are given dead weight. However it still has the time cards and combat turn cards where you can push back enemy action cards to miss their turn. However they're now balls and its much harder to see.

Storyline is non existent. The first one focuses on you and the school and your party members. You get attached to them, even the villains aren't really villains. They're just rivals and you guys get along afterwards. The teachers are all interesting and the events are generally funny without being overbearing. Theres actually a story where you look for your father and it gets really dark really fast. Sulpher is the coolest character in the first game and he doesn't even talk that much. In fact, the twist in the first game was that you are the mana and the cat is actually the person who you made a contract with. Thats why no one can understand him but you and how he is dying of old age and everyone goes "I never seen a mana get sick before." In the second game you're just begging for shit to end and slamming your head in shame from the sheer stupidity of things. Like the country bumpkin showing up and sees your party there first so she decides to stomp all the alchemy flowers only to realize you guys already picked it up and are on your way to leave and then she goes "I need the flower for my homework!" Ha ha thats funny right? No its not. What about Lily trying to confess to Raze and he keeps getting distracted and never hears her. Groan. Piece of shit. The whole game is just slapstick comedy with no story. I wouldn't be this pissed off if the first one wasn't so fun. It would be bad still but its just an insult when compared to the first game. I played this a long time ago and I still remember how shitty the second one is whenever I see NIS America's logo or name.

I hate to say it but I enjoyed the story of Persona 3 better. Actually no, Persona 3 is pathetic because they tried too hard to sound serious and dark while Mana Khemia 2 is pathetic because they try so hard to be funny. I say they're both equally pathetic and bad.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Mechwarrior Online - Yet another update

So MWO is out in open beta now. I've commented about it several times, and have raised many concerns as to its future. Unfortunately, I was right. Very right.

It's a F2P game that is very shallow in nature, repetitive in its grind, and completely unsuitable for release in its current stage. Netcode sucks, performance sucks, the awful motion blur, film grain, HDR, and bloom are obnoxious, content is lacking, game mode is boring, mech prices are WAY too expensive, matchmaking is nonexistent, the grind is painful even for the cheapest mech, and they still pushed it out the door into open beta anyway. The developers knew too, but they had deadlines to meet, which is a shame. They settled on releasing a minimum viable product (their words), and thus, I do not understand how they expect to receive anything more than a minimum viable score. What a terrible business plan.

They cited a bunch of other similar F2P games (namely World of Tanks) to justify their pricing and launch quality, but like I said before... F2P isn't a cureall, and a game released years ago shouldn't be used as the measuring stick for today.

Sadly, I really wanted to be wrong on this one, and for MWO to succeed. But I don't think it will. The biggest chance for MWO to get noticed was at launch, and they blew their chance. Even if they do fix up the game, it'll be too late, as Mechwarrior has always been a small community without the same level of magnetism. Even though it has only been the first 2 weeks of launch, the numbers are disheartening. The devs, PGI, have smartly pulled out the online players counter that was present in every iteration of beta. Worse, they're using a terrible engine (CryEngine 3) which suffers from persistent netcode problems and poor handling of fast moving vehicles (CryEngine 1+2 also had this problem, so MWLL was affected). Its engine also has shockingly poor performance despite being tailored to adhere to console specifications.

Well, I tried my best back in beta to warn the devs of this problem. I even spoke to them personally. They did stall beta few times to increase it's standard of quality, but this isn't enough. At least I enjoyed my time in the beta with it. You know, back when these flaws were 'acceptable'.

"It's just a beta, it'll be fixed on release." Yea, right.

Leaked SWTOR developer's meeting

SWTOR Dev Lackey: GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GAIZ GAIZ! I has idea! What if we take our game, which nobody thinks is worth paying for... And then strip content out of it, and sell it back to them as individual components at a collectively higher price?

SWTOR Dev Lead: GENIUS. Let's take 6 months to covertly plan and develop our new F2P features, while subscribers continue to pay a monthly fee and receive no content updates. Then when F2P arrives, they will have to pay TWICE just to get back the items and perks they've earned and already paid for.


And thus, an already shitty game became a cosmic joke. In retrospect, I guess they achieved something original with the franchise after all, instead of just cloning another MMO.

If you haven't heard, SWTOR announced F2P some time ago, after the TORtanic prophesies proved true. Waves of players and developers abandoned the sinking ship, and EA hastily branded it a failure, and the sole unpredictable blemish on their otherwise flawless business strategy, deferring all blame onto Bioware. When your own parent disavows and abandons you, you know you've fucked up. Around that time, BW/EA tried to excuse themselves with data claiming that subscription based MMOs were dead, and an unsuitable payment model for the times. They also tried to reference F2P MMOs like LOTRO, DCUO, etc for their relative success. But the truth is, F2P isn't a cureall. I will probably make a dedicated post about that later, but F2P doesn't automatically make your game better, nor will it alleviate the existing flaws. However, no need to worry, because SWTOR never got the memo on how to make a F2P game; they focused all their time on fixing their public relations problems instead, so it would be a farce to even call this F2P.

Back to the headlines then: SWTOR officially launched their F2P today, and now all servers are open for you to play for free. Not that I would recommend it.

SWTOR's F2P restrictions are so tight, that many players are labeling it an 'extended trial', as it allows a player to level from 1-50, but little else. For the first time in any F2P MMO I've heard of, SWTOR restricts your UI, and makes you pay money to use it. It doesn't end there. Let's list some moronic restrictions:

  1. Only get 2 of the available 6 hotbars for skills (and believe me, you need at least 4)
  2.  Pay more at vendors and every time you exchange tokens for gear (the primary way to get good gear)
  3. Can't use guild bank or regular banks (any items inside are locked)
  4. Can't mail or trade
  5. Cant accept common quest rewards
  6. Can only post 2 auction house listings
  7. Cant have more than 200k credits on you (the rest is locked into an account that is never released until you subscribe)
  8. Can only talk in 2 channels at 1 message a minute
  9. Cant wear epic gear (even if earned from being a subscriber)
  10. Cant wear event gear (even if earned from being a subscriber)
  11. Can't hide headslots or display titles or legacy name (even your 'founders title' awarded from being a long term subscriber)
  12. Can only roll 3 times for loot in dungeons PER week (failed rolls count)
  13. Can only do 5 battlegrounds a week (losses and incomplete games count, and the weekly quest requires 9 battlegrounds won)
  14. No access to the LFG tool
  15. No access to raids.
  16. Only 1 of 3 professions allowed
  17. Emotes are locked
  18. Half your inventory size. Anything in the other half is locked until you pay.
  19. Quick Travel (town teleport ability) cooldown is quadrupled, now at 2 hours. Emergency fleet pass (teleports you back to main fleet hub) completely disabled
  20. Only 2 characters per server. Returning players must select 2 and lock out the rest.
  21. No rest xp.
  22. No using /who.
  23. No using out of combat move speed passive ability until level 14.
What the fuck? So for the past 6 months, instead of adding new content that people will want to pay for, they took content that people were ALREADY paying for, and removed it. I guess that's one way to slack off as a developer. And even though you can buy back the features you want piecemeal, they are horrendously expensive, outweighing the monthly subscription. Just paying the weekly passes for raiding and battlegrounds ONLY, will make your monthly bill around $20. And you still won't be able to wear any epic gear or use hotbars.

SWTOR Devs: Herp derp, you don't want to pay $15 a month for my game? How about $20 for only 1/5th of my game? ULTRA DEAL!

It is clear that this F2P change won't draw in any more players than their free trial did. Because that's all this is: another free trial. And a chance for Bioware to double-dip into their subscribers and make them pay again for something they've already paid for months ago. And which ex-subscriber would be stupid enough to pay? If they didn't think the entire game was worth the money then, why would it be worth the value now? Nothing's changed, except for getting even less content. Sickeningly, it also means Bioware gets an excuse to put in a CASH SHOP into a P2P game. People would have been outraged if they did it while it was still technically P2P, but now they can call it F2P, however unfaithful it may be to that label. It shocks me that Bioware promises more content every 6 weeks from now on, when they've broken that promise repeatedly since release, when people were already supposedly paying monthly for content. Now that people don't have to pay monthly... They're promising monthly content again? How gullible do you think your subscribers are?

These guys have no fucking clue how to run a MMO, or a F2P game. Since release, more than half their employees and major project leads were fired, and I'm not sorry to see them go. They were trash and should never work in the industry again. My only regret is that their replacements are just as deluded and out of touch with gaming and the community.

What a fucking waste. And I'm not even surprised. I came to my senses in March, but that was already too much time wasted on this crap. So I'll redeem myself with a prediction, nay, a prophecy: SWTOR F2P is going to flop hard, and will not get any more players than a wave of trial offers. Not even close to the 50 million predicted (this guy should be fired too btw). Bioware won't shut down SWTOR so soon, so I foresee massive revamping of the F2P system, an admission of guilt and a shallow apology, then a reduction in its restrictions, and more incentive for ex-subscribers to return. New periodic content of substance will still be scarce. Cash shop profits will keep SWTOR afloat, and they'll attempt to use it to bolster their reputation and initial claims, despite subscriber numbers not actually increasing (but they'll conveniently avoid that data).

Update: Just read this at wired.

The $15-a-month subscription game is dying. But it’s not because players are cheap, it’s because they’re bored.

As the game development website Gamasutra put it, the most expensive game in history is now free: With a reported $200 million budget, the massively multiplayer RPG Star Wars: The Old Republic wasn’t attracting nearly the number of subscribers that publisher Electronic Arts needed if it was going to see returns. So EA added a business model that has been lucrative for other online games: Allow gamers to play for free, then charge them small amounts for upgrades once they’re hooked.

But that may not be enough. Experts in the space say the reason Star Wars struggles while other online games are killing it isn’t because of the money, it’s because of how the games themselves are designed. It’s not the business model that’s obsolete, but the product.

 While the rest of the article points at a conclusion I'm not quite ready to accept, this segment of it is spot on. The game is bad, that's why it's not worth $15 a month. If they focused on trying to make the game better to match the $15, it would be harder, but ultimately a better product. Instead, they weakened the product to market it at a deceptively cheaper price. I also don't think the problem is with the p2p MMO archetype, it is with the games being lackluster and ultimately, lacking the frequent updates you'd expect with a monthly bill. Imagine subscribing to a magazine, and paying a monthly fee only to get the same issue over and over again. Not enough content? Re-read it! Read it backwards! Fold it into origami! Keep yourself warm at the fireplace! The sad thing is, f2p moba games update every 2 days, yet $15 a month, despite server maintenance costs, give you an update every 6 months if you're lucky? I'm afraid the problem lies with the developers and publishers, not with the model.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Long Live The Queen - Probably easier to be a real queen

I don't even know how to describe this game. The closest thing I can compare it to is Academagia, a fantasy life simulator where you play as a student in a magic school. Its not as complex and you don't need to read an essay of text every 20 seconds. However I learned its based off some Japanese game called Princess Maker where you raise a princess and force her into prostitution or something fucked up. Knowing Japan you'd probably end up fucking her too. So that raised some giant red flags. I first heard about this game from people posting shit all over the forums about it. I was looking for something to entertain me and so I decided to see what this was about. I checked their site, Hanako Games, where all you see are a bunch of Anime games. This sent more red flags but then I read on and I basically learned that its made by girls for girls.

For too many people, "games for girls" means nothing but bright pink and dolls and dress-up and shopping. Well, those can be fun, but there are plenty of girls whose lives don't begin and end at the mall. Fiction for girls (and young adults in general) often focuses on other common girl-interests, like horses, magic, and fantasy. So why aren't there more girl games with unicorns instead of prom dresses?

We are not just "girls games", although we are definitely girl-friendly. Anyone who likes fantasy and adventure, anime games, or just cute stuff is more than welcome here. We hope you will enjoy what you find and come back in the future to see what other games we have made. We may surprise you!

Want to make your own adventure? Join us...


Alright, you caught my attention. How are they going to pull this off. I remember talking about how the gaming industry is male dominated and there are not many games aimed at girls without it being shit. Well since there seems to be decent positive reviews it shouldn't be too bad right? Well, to tell you the truth it isn't.


You start off as Elodie, a 14 year old princess being pulled out of school and dragged to the castle to find out your mother has died and you will become the queen. You dad, King Dowager, the Duke of Caloris, is a stupid loser who doesn't know how to lead and forces you to do it. From what I assume its a matriarchal society in the kingdom of Nova but its never really explained why. Perhaps its explained in one of the history texts or if you play the game further but I never got there yet without being killed. Yes you can die and you will die A LOT. One thing I can't seem to remember though is the names and the titles. How the shit are you supposed to remember all this without some kind of journal or something so you can look up when you're trying to appoint some random asshole to lead some country where the king was assassinated.

Anyways so your dad is useless and you now rule over the entire country at the young age of 14 and everyone and their pet dog wants you dead. It throws you into a short tutorial where it explains the statistic screen. You have four mood meters: Angry and Afraid, Cheerful and Depressed, Willful and Yielding, Pressured and Lonely. Raising one will lower one of the opposite mood and vice versa. The one which is the highest or lowest of the four determines your current mood. You will get bonus to learning skills depending on your mood. Skills are broken down into 4 categories, each with multiple subcategories and 3 subcategories for each subcategory. For example, Social skill is broken down into the following subcategories: Royal Demeanor, Conversation, Expression. In Royal Demeanor you have: Composure, Elegance, and Presence. While in Conversation you have: Public Speaking, Court Manners, and Flattery. Then you have shit like Intellectual skills with the following subcategories: History, Intrigue, Medicine, Economics, Military. Overall in total you have 42 different possible skills to learn.

Again not as complex as Academagia but it will make anyone's head spin the first time you play. You can plan classes for any of the 42 different skills. One morning class and one evening class. These classes will last the week so you will gain 2 points for every weekday in the week. A total of 10/100 points per class if the bonus is at 0. When you see bonuses or penalties you should probably pick or avoid that. For example, if you're depressed you suffer a -2 penalty to Conversation skills. You will learn a total of 2 + -2 each day gaining a total of 0 for the week. However if she has +1 to Conversation you will gain 2 + 1 each day making a grand total of 15 points for the week. On weekends you can do stuff that will change your mood like playing with your toys, playing tennis, sneak out of the castle, and the list goes on. It will also have an event which can be anything simple from a person coming to the castle asking for funding for medicine for soldiers. If you don't have the proper skills you will fail the skill check and automatically reject the project.

Basically all the skills you learn are for skill checks. Certain events require you to have a certain amount in a certain stat to pass it. However you don't always need specific ones. For example when a maid crashes into you. If you have courtly manners high enough you can pass the check to accept her apology, to apologize or throw her in jail. If you fail that check thats fine if your Reflex skill is high enough you are able to dodge the whole thing. However shit will branch out and some options are hidden unless you have the right skills. Some will outright kill you without the right skills. For example one part I was riding on a cart to a party and we were attacked by bandits. Because I have enough Reflexes I was able to dodge the arrow. On my second play through I failed to level that skill and chose to go to the same party only to get shot and killed.

On my first playthrough I leveled my Intrigue skill up and with high enough Foreign Intelligence I was able to discover my crazy aunt's plot to steal my throne so I had her assassinated. Yes I'm a fucking 14 year old girl sending an assassin to kill my scheming evil aunt. Then when her son came to the castle you have inner dialogue going "He doesn't know I'm the one who killed her mother." Wow I just became this giant evil bitch. It didn't really matter though I was so focused on skilling up my Social skills and History and Intrigue that I neglected my Military skills. When the enemy attacked us I lost all my troops and he gave me a choice. If I dueled him to the death with magic he will leave everyone and everything alive if he wins. If he loses his army will leave. Or you can choose to fight to the end. Well I never picked up my magical girl super transformation crystal because I decided to wait until I was crowned the queen like a good girl so I wasn't able to duel him. He said he doesn't give a shit its either your head or the country. And I'm like I am the fucking country. So I ran from the duel and our armies fought and I got defeated then executed. The end.

Then another play though I decided to up my Military skill from the beginning only to fail to discover my crazy aunt's plot and she led a rebellion. It was that I either marry one of her sons and give up all power or die. Well I said fuck off and I was executed. Its much more fun than I expected it to be. Theres so much stuff to do, each and every play though will be slightly different. Maybe you get a little further, maybe you fuck up somewhere. But the things that happens always remain the same. The skill checks always remain the same. Sure you may be thinking. The title is all pink and fluttery it must be super girly. Not really. Other than the girly aesthetics like pinkness and your pink haired princess theres nothing that will stop a guy from going "Ewwww gay! Not touching!" Plus who the fuck cares about it being girly. You don't really go around shopping for clothes or gawking at guys. Sure there are some marriage candidates but they're all purely political. You can force people into marriage or break it off as well. Some are just outright creepy like a dude older than your dad that wants to marry you. Like fuck off. I dragged him to the executioner and had his head chopped off. Take that for girly.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Lucius - Just another cliched name for a cliched game

First thing I want to ask is why is Satan always portrayed as an evil businessman in a suit? This game starts off with you as some dumb kid called Lucius. Yeah one of those cliched "evil" names. So apparently you're the son of Satan and he wants you to go around killing people for human souls. So you lock your maid in the freezer and then turn down the temperature. Then the detective starts narrating foreshadowing a huge series of murders. Some of them are brutal, and all of them are boring.

You'd think its impossible to screw up something like this. It'll be like Hitman but as a kid what can possibly go wrong! Everything. You have a huge ass fucking house but you probably use about 5% of it every mission. The second mission starts off with you walking around with no instructions. You're just blindly bumbling around until you open your map and theres a big arrow pointing where to go. You start walking then suddenly everything freezes and blood starts dripping from the walls and you zoom in on your dad's BFF. He is your target. So he's sitting there smoking a cigarette and you have to find a creative way to cause an accident.

Doesn't sound too bad yet right? No. You walk over steal his matches and now you have to find a way to cause an accident elsewhere. You steal some tools and fuck over the stove. When the guy tries to light matches it explodes on his face and burns him to death. Then like that the mission is suddenly over and you are thrown back in your room and a month has passed. Now you have to run around trying to figure out who your target is and what the fuck is going on. You walk into the bathroom and blood on wall shit happens again and this time its the drunk as fuck janitor. You kill him then get thrown back into room. Walk around see the butcher. Repeat.

HOW FUCKING BORING IS THIS. Its brutal as shit when you saw a guy's face in half or smash their brains with a piano and shit but come on this is boring. A mission can last between 1 minute to 5 minutes. I didn't get far but this is just the same thing over and over again. Can't we have bigger missions? Can't we use the whole house? Can't we have more of a intro story or something for every mission other than walk around randomly until you find a target. This is a giant piece of shit. It had potential for something awesome but they fucked it up.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

DRM, now available on hardware!

Seeing that consumers have been so receptive of increasingly draconian DRM policies, Razer peripherals have adopted an ingenious implementation: now you can have always-online DRM handling the features of your own mouse!

In some corporate meeting room somewhere, someone must have thought this was a successful idea. And in that room, the other heads nodded in unanimous agreement. Perhaps a few hands were shaken, a compliment passed around, and undoubtedly a comment was made as to how their mouth-breathing consumers would never notice.

All that, I can believe easily enough. My bewilderment stems from the mental process necessary to pass this idea through logic checklists. In what circumstance does this benefit the company, even if the consumers were indifferent towards the restrictions? Are they being hurt by counterfeit distributions of their own hardware? The cheap knockoff peripheral market doesn't offer ergonomic, high-DPI, multi-button, programmable mice that utilizes Razer software.

As far as I can tell, Razer has decided that maintaining and updating DRM software and its respective authentication servers with no beneficial outcomes and purely upkeep costs and customer inconvenience is in their best interest. Who thought this was a good idea? Or perhaps there was no logic checklist at all, and the responsible individuals at Razer had coincidentally aligned their inebriation.

Update: Oh. They're spying on you. How nice.